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Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v.2

Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v. 2
Nowadays a right lifestyle is becoming more and more significant than it used to be decades or centuries ago. It is considered by some individuals that people tend to have a sedentary way of life. This essay will discuss the main problems connected with above mentioned situation and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. As for problems associated with a such way of life, I could not help mentioning a gain of weight. That is because people become less active and do not lose a lot of energy during the day due to the fact they sit at home, in a car, at work. As a result, such individuals obtain an excess weight and some health problems. Needless to say that they become less attractive to opposite gender. Moreover, a sedentary lifestyle usually connected with an online work which makes people social networks addicted. Consequently, such persons lose the possibility to enjoy the real life. Fortunately, above mentioned problems can be overcome. If people learn exactly all consequences of a sedentary way of life, they will try avoid them. For example, I could not help recalling changes in designs of cigarette' s packages. Scientists proved that the more awful and terrible were pictures of consequences of smoking, the fewer people continued to smoke. What is more, government should ban all ads associated with fast-food and promote a healthy life style. For instance, people who prefer such way of life might obtain tax benefits from their states. To sum up, a sedentary way of life leads to such problems as a gain weight, health problems and deprive people of the opportunity to enjoy the life. However, the right promotion of the healthy life style and special government policies can help society solve these problems.
Nowadays a right lifestyle is becoming more and more significant than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be decades or centuries ago. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay will discuss the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
connected with above mentioned situation and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to avoid them.

As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with a such way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mentioning a gain of weight.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become less active and do not lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy during the day due to the fact they sit at home, in a car, at work.
As a result
, such individuals obtain an excess weight and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Needless to say that they become less attractive to opposite gender.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
lifestyle
usually
connected with an online work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
social networks addicted.
Consequently
, such persons lose the possibility to enjoy the real life.

Fortunately
, above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be overcome
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn exactly all consequences of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they will
Probably a preposition is missing after 'try'.
try avoid
them.
For example
, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
recalling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in designs of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cigarette&
#039; s packages. Scientists proved that the more awful and terrible were pictures of consequences of smoking, the fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continued to smoke.
What is more
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban all ads associated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food and promote a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer such way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
might obtain tax benefits from their states.

To sum up, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
leads to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as a gain weight, health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the opportunity to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, the right promotion of the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style and special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
society solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world What problems are associated with this What solutions can you suggest v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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