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Some people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. v.4

Some people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. v. 4
In today's scientific world, a myriad of wealth is allocated on scientific inventions and researches. Space exploration is a key area where governments in many countries are spending billions of dollars each year. Although I support space research, I opine that governments have to pay attention to the existing problems on the earth with higher priority than the space exploration. The basis for my view is economical and personal. Firstly, from an economical point of view, universe exploration employs more than half of the total money allocated for overall scientific research in all fields combined. As per the report published by the Week magazine on 20th September 2015, at least 30 billion dollars have been spent on the Apollo moon missions by the United States. In case, this lump sum could be used for infrastructure, education and food in poor countries, definitely the quality of life would increase with lower crime rates. Thus, it is crystal clear that existing problems in the world need better focus. Secondly, from a personal point of view, there is nothing we have gained so far from the space programmes. For instance, even after landing on the Moon as well as sending different missions to other planets, we are not successful in finding the existence of life anywhere outside the Earth. However, some of the missions abroad are successful in testing soil samples and sending pictures, which is not really useful for the layman. Moreover, a lot of scientists have risked their lives during the travel to outer space. Thus, higher priority needs to be given to existing issues in the world. In conclusion, by analysing how expensive the space research is with limited success to the citizens, there is no doubt that government need to prioritise to solve the existing problems. It is predicted that space exploration continues, but with a lower budget.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's scientific world, a myriad of wealth
is allocated
on scientific inventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
is a key area where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are spending billions of dollars each year. Although I support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, I opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
problems on the earth with higher priority than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
. The basis for my view is economical and personal.

Firstly
, from an economical point of view, universe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
employs more than half of the total money allocated for
overall
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in all fields combined. As per the report published by the Week magazine on 20th September 2015, at least 30 billion dollars have
been spent
on the Apollo moon missions by the United States. In case, this lump sum could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for infrastructure, education and food in poor countries, definitely the quality of life would increase with lower crime rates.
Thus
, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
problems in the world need better focus.

Secondly
, from a personal point of view, there is nothing we have gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
For instance
, even after landing on the Moon
as well
as sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
missions to other planets, we are not successful in finding the existence of life anywhere outside the Earth.
However
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
missions abroad are successful in testing soil samples and sending pictures, which is not
really
useful for the layman.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scientists have risked their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
during the travel to outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
Thus
, higher priority needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
issues in the world.

In conclusion
, by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
how expensive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is with limited success to the citizens, there is no doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
problems. It
is predicted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
continues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with a lower budget.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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