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Some people believe that government should spent more money on healthcare and education, and not on sports and entertainment resource. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that government should spent more money on healthcare and education, and not on sports and entertainment resource. v. 1
Opinions differ on whether it is better for students to study individually or work with their classmates. While there are some obvious advantages to studying alone, I personally believe that group work is more time efficient in terms of acquiring knowledge. On the one hand, the upside of studying alone can be seen evidently by allowing learners to study at their own convenience with little dependence on other people. The process of achieving knowledge is different from each individual in terms of learning style. For example, several learners love to work with information in a systematic and organised way, while there are those who work in a seemingly spontaneous and disorganised manner. Also, in some cases, group study may not work well as study sessions could easily turn into hangout sessions, so working alone seems to be better. On the other hand, I argue that group work brings more significant benefits in effectively acquiring academic knowledge and creating motivation in learning. First, group discussion plays an important role to help students understand what they have learnt, which is normally not understandable at once, from school. Having other students around to help review concepts can also offer a deeper understanding of the class material. Second, many students may derive energy from being around other people and look forward to learning and discussing the material with classmates. This would create inspiration and a positive attitude towards learning, as well as encourage the pursuit of further education. In conclusion, while there are some students who may choose to study alone because they can independently control their study and have no unnecessary distractions from others, it seems to me that group study is more worthwhile regarding comprehensive understanding and learning motivation.
Opinions differ on whether it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
individually
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with their classmates. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious advantages to studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more time efficient in terms of acquiring knowledge.

On the one hand, the upside of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
evidently
by allowing learners to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
convenience with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The process of achieving knowledge is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each individual in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
style.
For example
, several learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with information in a systematic and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
way, while there are those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
seemingly
spontaneous and
Possible spelling mistake. 'disorganised' is British English.
disorganised
manner.
Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
sessions could
easily
turn into hangout sessions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
seems to be better.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
brings more significant benefits in
effectively
acquiring academic knowledge and creating motivation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
discussion plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
, which is
normally
not understandable at once, from school. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
review concepts can
also
offer a deeper understanding of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
material. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may derive energy from being around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and look forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and discussing the material with classmates. This would create inspiration and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
,
as well
as encourage the pursuit of
further
education.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who may choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
independently
control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and have no unnecessary distractions from others, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is more worthwhile regarding comprehensive understanding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
motivation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that government should spent more money on healthcare and education, and not on sports and entertainment resource. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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