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In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development? v.1

In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development? v. 1
People around the globe go shopping at one of their leisure activities. There are many other things to do in free space enjoy listening music, playing games, watching TV and spending the day with family and loved ones. Mostly, these days, almost every individual is engaged in the respective works where they could not find any space to spend with their family, friends or loved ones. The moment with no task is very rare, so when working people get that seconds they might go out with their loved ones and make them free from the job pressure. In contrast, when it comes to the people, who are not working or who were not engaged in the production at least for once, would have lots of points so they might have thought to kill the pace and they opt shopping. As same as a coin has two sides, everything has its pros and cons. Shopping may increase the skills you have to make up yourself. Making up is an art. Look for one particular thing all sensors will work more efficiently. In the same way, when you look for your desired cloth or suit all your senses will perform attentively. Being conscious in making up yourself for a better appearance is a good thing, and it has not to go beyond the limits. Likely, when you go on wasting life in the shopping, it might not make any sense. The more shopping in the most money to spend if you do not find the dress you want, you would probably get depressed. How to spend any day is in our hands. I suggest you have a healthy break, and it fetches you some gallons of memories.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
around the globe go shopping at one of their leisure activities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things to do in free space enjoy listening music, playing games, watching TV and spending the day with family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

Mostly
, these days, almost every individual
is engaged
in the respective works where they could not find any space to spend with their family, friends or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. The moment with no task is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that seconds they might go out with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them free from the job pressure.

In contrast
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are not working or who were not engaged in the production at least for once, would have lots of points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to kill the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pace and
they opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. As same as a coin has two sides, everything has its pros and cons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
may increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up yourself. Making up is an art. Look for one particular thing all sensors will work more
efficiently
.
In the same way
, when you look for your desired cloth or suit all your senses will perform
attentively
. Being conscious in making up yourself for a better appearance is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing, and it has not to go beyond the limits.

Likely, when you go on wasting life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, it might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the most money to spend if you do not find the dress you want, you would
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed. How to spend any day is in our hands. I suggest you have a healthy break, and it fetches you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gallons of memories.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, shopping is the leisure time activity for young adults. Why is it so? Do you think it is a negative or a positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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