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Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. 1
It is true that people have a lot of ways to achieve success. However, some people question whether internal perseverance or external factors like money and appearance contribute more in getting ahead. My view is that people could reach the peak of their career when they work hard and have determination. Thomas Edison once said, “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. ” This means that even the talented people need to endeavour to gain the fruit of triumph, let alone the normal ones. So, it is essential for individuals to insist on defeating difficulties to be successful. Moreover, determination is the root of motivation to step over obstacles. For example, the Oscar-winning director Ann Lee, who has cost decades to perfect his script and pursue his film dream. If he had no such strong will on making good movies, there would not have such thought-provoking films like Brokeback Mountain and Life of Pi. This is not to say that money and appearance are not necessary. Of course a good economic foundation may shorten the way to victory and a good looking may attract more attention in society. But without inner effort and insistence, these fast-consuming contributors from outside would not last long, as a result, people who simply rely on them would get lost along the way to their goal. In sum, it is more significant for us to make great efforts and have strong will power to chase the gold medal in our life. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the function of money and appearance. By doing so we can make sure that we will overcome hardships in our life.
It is true that
people
have
a lot of
ways to achieve success.
However
,
some
people
question whether internal perseverance or external factors like money and appearance contribute more in getting ahead. My view is that
people
could reach the peak of their career when they work
hard
and have determination.

Thomas Edison once said, “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. ” This means that even the talented
people
need to
endeavour
to gain the fruit of triumph,
let
alone the normal ones.
So
, it is essential for individuals to insist on defeating difficulties to be successful.

Moreover
, determination is the root of motivation to step over obstacles.
For example
, the Oscar-winning director Ann Lee, who has cost decades to perfect his script and pursue his film dream. If he had no such strong will on making
good
movies, there would not have such
thought
-provoking films like
Brokeback
Mountain and Life of Pi.

This is not to say that money and appearance are not necessary.
Of course
a
good
economic foundation may shorten the way to victory and a
good looking
may attract more attention in society.
But
without inner effort and insistence, these
fast
-consuming contributors from outside would not last long,
as a result
,
people
who
simply
rely on them would
get
lost along the way to their goal.

In sum, it is more significant for us to
make
great efforts and have strong will power to chase the gold medal in our life. Meanwhile, we should not
ignore
the function of money and appearance. By doing
so
we can
make
sure that we will overcome hardships in our life.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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