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Some people believe that globalisation will eventually lead to a loss of cultural identity. What are your views on this? v.1

Some people believe that globalisation will eventually lead to a loss of cultural identity. What are your views on this? v. 1
The advent of new technological advancements in such areas as transportation or communication has been a major contributor to the spread of globalization, which is feared by many to eventually bring an end to cultural identity. Nevertheless, I am convinced that not only will globalization help retain and improve local cultures, but it also will strengthen cultural bonds between distant communities. One reason to support this idea is that through the process of globalization, people can realise how they are different from others in distant lands, which may lead to their interest in learning about other cultures. This means every culture will have to preserve and present its unique features such as local cuisine or craftsmanship in order to maintain foreign interest in it and have something to offer in competition with other communities. As a result, a sense of cultural identity can be reinforced- even rekindled and restored whore it has already been lost. Another important point to justify this viewpoint is that as cultures in different parts of the world familiarise themselves with the ceremonies, food and clothes of other people, it is highly likely that they will begin to improve on their own, thus developing more efficient ways of life while retaining their original characteristics. Last but not least, although some people might think that the aforementioned "trade" of cultural features can doom the unique identity of a culture, they need to consider that this will not necessarily result in local people abolishing their culture and fully embracing another. Instead, the communication and exchange involved in globalisation can improve understanding and tolerance in the international community, which certainly can help with the conservation of older cultures and their sense of identity. To sum up. I think if the positive aspects of globalisation are considered and stressed, it is not likely to pose any threats to the cultural identity of local communities and will instead contribute to it in a variety of ways.
The advent of new technological advancements in such areas as transportation or communication has been a major contributor to the spread of globalization, which
is feared
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
eventually
bring an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
.
Nevertheless
, I
am convinced
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
retain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
will strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
bonds between distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. One reason to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that through the process of globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others in distant lands, which may lead to their interest in learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This means every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
preserve and present its unique features such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
cuisine or craftsmanship in order to maintain foreign interest in it and have something to offer in competition with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
As a result
, a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
can
be reinforced
- even rekindled and restored
This expression can be considered offensive.
whore
it has already
been lost
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to justify this viewpoint is that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
themselves with the ceremonies, food and clothes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
highly
likely that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
thus
developing more efficient ways of life while retaining their original characteristics. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the aforementioned
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
trade
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
features can doom the unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, they need to consider that this will not
necessarily
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abolishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
fully
embracing another.
Instead
, the communication and exchange involved in
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
understanding and tolerance in the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, which
certainly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the conservation of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and their sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
. To sum up. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
are considered
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, it is not likely to pose any threats to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and will
instead
contribute to it in a variety of ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that globalisation will eventually lead to a loss of cultural identity. What are your views on this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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