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Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn v. 1
We live in the information era, it means we access to a great source of information. We don't need to go Lebanon to learn how to cook the Tabbuleh or there is no need to go to Europe for seeing Halloween. The Internet provides learning, watching and even experiencing new and fresh experiments. In other words, everybody can have a virtual journey through the other countries with some clicks, surfing on maps, watching videos and pictures. Today, social networking connects people together easier. People can realize the other people's feeling around the world, they can sympathize with a mother who lost her child during migration or get happy with watching the Diwali ceremony in India. Although, the Internet has a great potential to learn a lot of things, I think it can't cover all of aspects and issues about other nations, because it is influenced by advertising and taste of social network investors. So, everybody takes advantage from this ocean of data, based on own background, culture and vision. For instance, several years ago, I thought Japan was a unique country with the fantastic culture, but through more reading and spending time I realized this country had its defects. In the other hands, people with travelling to a country make a real experience, for example besides the tall towers and beautiful tourist attractions, a traveller can go to native people's places and learn something new that it has not upload yet. To conclude, in my view, we can get general know from other countries and nations, but there is a hide side of everything. We can acquire useful and instant information about other people's life style overseas on the Internet.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the information era, it means we access to a great source of information. We don't need to go Lebanon to learn how to cook the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tabbuleh
or there is no need to go to Europe for seeing Halloween. The Internet provides learning, watching and even experiencing new and fresh experiments.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, everybody can have a virtual journey through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clicks, surfing on maps, watching videos and pictures.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, social networking connects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together easier.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can realize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's feeling around the world, they can sympathize with a mother who lost her child during migration or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
happy with watching the Diwali ceremony in India.

Although, the Internet has a great potential to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can't cover
Consider using "all aspects" or "all of the aspects".
all of aspects
and issues about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is influenced
by advertising and taste of social network investors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everybody takes advantage from this ocean of data, based on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
background, culture and vision.
For instance
, several years ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
Japan was a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with the fantastic culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through more reading and spending time I realized this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
had its defects.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with travelling to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a real experience,
for example
besides
the tall towers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
tourist attractions, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
can go to native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's places and learn something new that it has not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "uploaded".
upload
yet
.

To conclude
, in my view, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
general know from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
side of everything. We can acquire useful and instant information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life style overseas on the Internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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