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Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 4
In this competitive era, everyone can feel the stress. To decrease the stress, people are used to pursuing the hobbies. Some people believe that for the enjoying hobbies, it should be complex. However, I am not siding with this view. In this essay, I intend to delve some reasons behind it. To start with, every person has their own idea, belief and view. They consist the believe that hobbies of making enjoyable, it must have a thrill, satisfaction. Although everyone get affected less or more as per their like such as. By collecting stamps, it would bore for adventurous persons, but the collectors view is totally different. They are satisfied by collecting unique stamps and enjoy from it. Same for walking hobby. So many masses are used to go for a walk on a daily basis. They consist the perception that a walking is one of the best hobby through which one can become a fit and become a healthy. On the other side, the adventitious or thrill living people feel the jogging and collection very much boring. They always in the hunt of thrill and adventure by conducting a risky activity like as by Paragliding, river crafting, mountain tracking or racing. The completion of a task gives them enjoyment. The challenging hobbies through they get satisfied. For pursuing such hobbies, need of expert knowledge about surrounding and activity also. It is not boring for them and they take risks for fun. For that kind of people, there is no space for boring activities, in their mind and do not want to waste time behind boring activities. To sum up, every individual has their own perception. It is hard to say about which Hobby is enjoyable and which is not. But definitely, there is not need of difficulty for enjoyment.
In this competitive era, everyone can feel the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pursuing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that for the enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, it should be complex.
However
, I am not siding with this view. In this essay, I intend to delve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons behind it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, every person has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, belief and view. They consist the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
of making enjoyable, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a thrill, satisfaction. Although everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
less or more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
per their like such as. By collecting stamps, it would
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
bore
for adventurous persons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the collectors view is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. They
are satisfied
by collecting unique stamps and enjoy from it. Same for walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
masses are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go for a walk on a daily basis. They consist the perception that a walking is one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
through which one can become a fit and become
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a healthy
.

On the other side, the adventitious or thrill living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel the jogging and collection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
. They always in the hunt of thrill and adventure by conducting a risky activity like as by Paragliding, river crafting, mountain tracking or racing. The completion of a task gives them enjoyment. The challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
through they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfied. For pursuing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, need of expert knowledge about surrounding and activity
also
. It is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for fun. For that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there is no space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
activities, in their mind and do not want to waste time behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boring
activities.

To sum up, every individual has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobby
is enjoyable and which is not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
definitely, there is not need of difficulty for enjoyment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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