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Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 3
A group of people says that entertainment Works to be joyful when it is difficult to achieve. I disagree with this statement. I write up the reason in this essay. Firstly, hobby depends on the individual moment and their interest, it is not necessary to be hard to obtain. To explain, pastime specifically for relaxation at a particular time after any tension, so persons need a few passions in their activities to gain a goal. For example, reading and listening to music, these are not risky hobbies, but people are enjoying it. Nowadays they are working with a busy schedule due to that there is no period to make complicated recreation. In addition, doing jobs with participation develops situations happy and safe. Thus, it is clear inhabitant needs to relax and involve in their pastime. Secondly, there are several less dangerous leisure time movements available, but some soul likes adventure due to unsatisfying. To elaborate, they participate in various kinds of sports to experience different feelings, at last, they become tired. For instance, someone does cycling for long-distance to find new impressions. The dangerous field gives pressure, as a result, mistakes, and problems because of physical and mental stress. It creates an unnecessary burden to society and it cost more. Thus, it is evident it likes to pleasant for stress relief. To conclude, I think it wants to be benefits for someone not as trouble. Hard entertainment is not comfortable for a person’s enjoyment, whereas it needs to do with the involvement.
A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
says that entertainment Works to be joyful when it is difficult to achieve. I disagree with this statement. I write up the reason in this essay.

Firstly
, hobby depends on the individual moment and their interest, it is not necessary to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to obtain. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, pastime
specifically
for relaxation at a particular time after any tension,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
persons need a few passions in their activities to gain a goal.
For example
, reading and listening to music, these are not risky hobbies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are enjoying it. Nowadays they are working with a busy schedule due to that there is no period to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
complicated recreation.
In addition
, doing jobs with participation develops situations happy and safe.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
inhabitant needs to relax and involve in their pastime.

Secondly
, there are several less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
leisure time movements available,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soul likes adventure due to unsatisfying. To elaborate, they participate in various kinds of sports to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
feelings, at last, they become tired.
For instance
, someone
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes cycling".
does cycling
for long-distance to find new impressions. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
field gives pressure,
as a result
, mistakes, and problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of physical and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It creates an unnecessary burden to society and it cost more.
Thus
, it is evident it likes to pleasant for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
relief.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it wants to be benefits for someone not as trouble.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
entertainment is not comfortable for a person’s enjoyment, whereas it needs to do with the involvement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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