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Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 2
These days, modern people can acquire or learn various kinds of hobbies and activities. In this regard, some people believe that in order to get relaxation, these outside interests should be hard to learn. However, others feel that ordinary people can get enjoyment from the easy to learn activities too. Personally, I tend to think that its depend on the person, and each individual is able to attain any difficult activities. On the one hand, it is true that if the hobby is difficult to learn, it may bring more relaxation after the learning process. Moreover, after the challenging practices of the outside interest, learners can feel the release and satisfaction. To illustrate, the more time the masters spend on developing their skills, the more experience they get. As a result, they can be proud of themselves, since they managed to do many tasks to acquire the skill. On the one hand, it is clear that many people do not pay attention on the difficulty of the hobbies. They choose these activities because they are willing to spend their time meaningfully. For example, the largest number of people are keen on photographing. However, some people do not think that this outside interest is hard to learn. Consequently, for many individuals the level of difficulty to acquire is not essential at all. To conclude, although many people tend to think that it is crucial for getting enjoyment from the hobbies which is hard to learn, Personally, in my opinion, I believe that the level of difficulty is not important for many people. In addition to this, the satisfaction of the hobby is vital for many individuals.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can acquire or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and activities. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxation, these outside interests should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
However
, others feel that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enjoyment from the easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
activities too.
Personally
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that its depend on the person, and each individual is able to attain any difficult activities.

On the one hand, it is true that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, it may bring more relaxation after the learning process.
Moreover
, after the challenging practices of the outside interest, learners can feel the release and satisfaction. To illustrate, the more time the masters spend on developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the more experience they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
As a result
, they can be proud of themselves, since they managed to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks to acquire the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not pay attention on the difficulty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. They choose these activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are willing to spend their time
meaningfully
.
For example
, the largest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen on photographing.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this outside interest is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
Consequently
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals the level of difficulty to acquire is not essential at all.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is crucial for getting enjoyment from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
,
Personally
, in my opinion, I believe that the level of difficulty is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
to this, the satisfaction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is vital for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people believe that for a hobby to be enjoyable it should be hard to acquire or learn. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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