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Some people believe that fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on family life. To what extent, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on family life. v. 1
The biggest dilemma of contemporary age is its rapid pace, which is making it difficult for people to give quality time to their families due to burden and stress it exert on them. Indeed, I completely agree with this notion that it is creating a destructive effect on family life by splitting it apart and distancing themselves from one and other. In fact, people have less time to spend with their families because they remain busy in working, most of the time, to achieve their financial pursuits. They have to work like a machine, thus, they cannot provide time for dependants either they are older or younger ones. For instance, it has been proved through many researches that the main reason behind in increased number of old age homes and day care centres is lack of time from other members of the family, on whom they depend. So, that’s why they feel it convenient to send them to these institutions. Hence, it serves as a catalyst for the splitting of the family. Stress of modern life has affected the communication among the family members, particularly between parents and children. As a matter of fact, both members are constantly working day and night to meet both ends of their children, but they forget one crucial aspect of their better upbringing that is communication. Parents tend to equip their children with modern gadgets in order to lessen their responsibility to take care of them. Consequently, they depend more on gadgets and less on parents. In addition, they are becoming more depressed and lonely due to inability to express their emotions. Furthermore, they don’t incline towards their parents in later age as well. For example, a recent study conducted on young children by the American association of psychologist proved that children who spend more time with gadgets instead of real family members become victims of mental illness easily. In a nutshell, fast speed and stress of contemporary life is bitterly deteriorating the family life in the worst possible way. People have to ponder about this fact seriously and give more time to their family life in order to make it cohesive and strong.
The biggest dilemma of contemporary age is its rapid pace, which is making it difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to give quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
due to burden and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
it exert on them.
Indeed
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion that it is creating a destructive effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by splitting it apart and distancing themselves from one and other.

In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they remain busy in working, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, to achieve their financial pursuits. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work like a machine,
thus
, they cannot provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
either they are older or younger ones.
For instance
, it has
been proved
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches that the main reason behind in increased number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes and day care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, on whom they depend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that’s why they feel it convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to these institutions.
Hence
, it serves as a catalyst for the splitting of the family.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the communication among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
,
particularly
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As a matter of fact, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are
constantly
working day and night to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
both ends of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they forget one crucial aspect of their better upbringing
that is
communication.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
tend to equip their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with modern gadgets in order to lessen their responsibility to take care of them.
Consequently
, they depend more on gadgets and less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In addition
, they are becoming more depressed and lonely due to inability to express their emotions.
Furthermore
, they don’t incline towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in later age
as well
.
For example
, a recent study conducted on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by the American association of psychologist proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with gadgets
instead
of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
become victims of mental illness
easily
.

In a nutshell,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
speed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
bitterly
deteriorating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the worst possible way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ponder about this fact
seriously
and give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it cohesive and strong.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on family life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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