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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money should be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.2

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money should be spent elsewhere. v. 2
It is often argued that the government funding should be invested in other fields despite wasting the budget on the artistic works. I completely agree that this budget could be utilised in the education and health care field rather than the arts. On the one hand, since the popularity of the advanced technology has inclined, people are less fascinating in the art work. Thus, the authorities should spend the finance for the education of the impoverished pupils by distributing an essential learning equipment. For instance, electronic books, stationary should be provided for the destitute children who could not afford expensive tuition fees. Moreover, the school should prioritise on the academic performance in spite of the arts classes in order to develop the nation. On the other hand, although the artistic job is incredibly amazing, there is a shortage of the employment prospects. Likewise, one cannot develop a career as a professional artist effortlessly unless that person remains healthy. Similarly, for ensuring the healthy citizens, the elected officials can allocate the money for the physical and mental care of the public. To illustrate, a recent survey reveals that in India, the child mortality rate is increasing tremendously due to the malnutrition. Thus, it is crucial for the leaders to devote money for the well being of the residents than the arts. In conclusion, though, the value of the creativity is eradicating from the country, the significance of the education has widened throughout the world. Therefore, the legislators ought to fund in the educational as well as health sectors.
It is
often
argued that the
government
funding should
be invested
in other fields despite wasting the budget on the artistic works. I completely
agree
that this budget could be
utilised
in the education and health care field
rather
than the arts.

On the one hand, since the popularity of the advanced technology has inclined,
people
are less fascinating in the art work.
Thus
, the authorities should spend the finance for the education of the impoverished pupils by distributing an essential learning equipment.
For instance
, electronic books, stationary should
be provided
for the destitute children who could not afford expensive tuition fees.
Moreover
, the school should
prioritise
on the academic performance
in spite of
the arts classes in order to develop the nation.

On the other hand
, although the artistic job is
incredibly
amazing, there is a shortage of the employment prospects.
Likewise
, one cannot develop a career as a professional artist
effortlessly
unless that person remains healthy.
Similarly
, for ensuring the healthy citizens, the elected officials can allocate the money for the physical and mental care of the public. To illustrate, a recent survey reveals that in India, the child mortality rate is increasing
tremendously
due to the malnutrition.
Thus
, it is crucial for the leaders to devote money for the
well being
of the residents than the arts.

In conclusion
, though, the value of the creativity is eradicating from the country, the significance of the education has widened throughout the world.
Therefore
, the legislators ought to fund in the educational
as well
as health sectors.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money should be spent elsewhere. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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