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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 4
Nowadays, income for celebrities is a controversial topic. Whilst some are of the view that the highly earnings for celebrities have a negative effect on people, other have a diverse view. I believe that the entertainers should receive a high payment. Both views will be outlined below. To begin with, opponents of the enormous salaries for entertainers think that they have no significant involvement with society. Although the famous stars have a lot of professional and competitive challenges, they do not provide a vital service. In other words, if healthcare staffs, doctors, nurses and pharmacists, are paid high salaries, they will help their countries better than players or actors. Hence, it is suggested that television and cinema stars should earn income which is compatible with the wages of other society professions. As opposed to this, advocates think that entertainers such as football players, actors, singers, musicians and athletics are part of community and take a lot of money. As well as, they are involved in society and have positive roles in employment, entertainment, donations for health foundations and awareness campaigns. For instance, Mohamed Saleh campaign against drugs in Egypt at 2019 and its title was “Say No to Drugs”. Therefore, it is fair that celebrities earn high salaried to help their society organisations. In conclusions, after the essay has shown the impact of highly paid salaries to famous people in community, It is true that celebrities play a major role in influencing members of society. In my opinion, people in the entertainment industry should be paid well.
Nowadays, income for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
is a controversial topic. Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the view that the
highly
earnings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, other have a diverse view. I believe that the entertainers should receive a high payment. Both views will
be outlined
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, opponents of the enormous salaries for entertainers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have no significant involvement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
stars have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
professional and competitive challenges, they do not provide a vital service.
In other words
, if healthcare staffs, doctors, nurses and pharmacists,
are paid
high salaries, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their countries better than players or actors.
Hence
, it
is suggested
that television and cinema stars should earn income which is compatible with the wages of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
professions.

As opposed to this, advocates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that entertainers such as football players, actors, singers, musicians and athletics are part of community and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
As well
as, they
are involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
roles in employment, entertainment, donations for health foundations and awareness campaigns.
For instance
, Mohamed
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saleh
campaign against drugs in Egypt at 2019 and its title was “Say No to Drugs”.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earn high salaried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

In conclusions, after the essay has shown the impact of
highly
paid salaries to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in community, It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
play a major role in influencing members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the entertainment industry should
be paid
well.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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