Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. v. 3
A popular belief is that employers who is over 60 years old is not inappropriate for the job and they make several mistakes in their workplace. Repercussions, authority should not be working with them and should be given evacuation. I totally agree with this statement. This essay will explore the positive and negative aspects of retiring at sixty years. On the one hand, there are certain advantages to retire at 60 years. Life is more important than job, leading a healthy life is also crucial. For example, the stress at endeavour can impact your physical and mental well being. The risks of diseases such as heart attack, and diabetes are quite high over fifty years and if one continues to task, it might be detrimental to their health. By getting retired people will not face this health problem. In addition, production stress can be compulsory them to make any mistakes because they will not have sufficient knowledge about advance technology and they will not be able to increase their knowledge as technology due to overage. For instance, one of my uncles work a private bank and he is in the mid sixties and he can’t do any technological work because he has no enough knowledge about it. The authority should have retired him. For this reason over 60 ages is not accurate to do any job, the government should bestow retire those types workers. On the other hand, there is a multitude of negative sites to retire at sixty ages. If government retire them, government will face financial problems due to a large amount of money have to pay pullout parson. To put it another way, retire person feels more isolated and socially inactive due to they do not effort anything and they always set home so they feel dull. A good illustration of this is Bangladesh don’t give retirement at sixty ages for removing financial crisis. Another disadvantage is that if bureaucrats provide withdrawal at 60s ages, they will not get better suggestions from elderly people. That’s why a common opinion is that authority should not give evacuation at sixty ages. In conclusion, this essay discussed good and bad sites about retirement for sixty ages. I completely agree with this statement because it is beneficial for employers and authorities.
A popular belief is that employers who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'employers' should be used.
is
over 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is not inappropriate for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
several mistakes in their workplace. Repercussions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should not be working with them and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
evacuation. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will explore the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of retiring at sixty years.

On the one hand, there are certain advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
at 60 years. Life is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than job, leading a healthy life is
also
crucial.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
can impact your physical and mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of diseases such as heart attack, and diabetes are quite high over fifty years and if one continues to task, it might be detrimental to their health. By getting retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not face this health problem.
In addition
, production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
can be compulsory them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not have sufficient knowledge about advance
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
they will not be able to increase their knowledge as technology due to overage.
For instance
, one of my uncles work a private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bank and
he is in the mid
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sixties and
he can’t do any technological work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should have retired him.
For this reason
over 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
is not accurate to do any job, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should bestow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
those types workers.

On the other hand
, there is a multitude of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sites to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
at sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will face financial problems due to a large amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay pullout parson. To put it another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
person feels more isolated and
socially
inactive due to they do not effort
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anything and
they always set home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel dull. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is Bangladesh don’t give retirement at sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
for removing financial crisis. Another disadvantage is that if bureaucrats provide withdrawal at 60s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better suggestions from elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. That’s why a common opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should not give evacuation at sixty ages.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sites about retirement for sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is beneficial for employers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts