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Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. v. 3
There are those who believe that news and media are impacting our livelihoods, and others disagree. I totally disagree with the opinion because news and media can make people deceived and depressed. The main reason why I believe that news and media are harming our life is that they have been used as an effective tool by people with power and money thorough history. In particular, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases, media, such as newspapers and broadcasts, have been manipulated by governments. Consequently, many people have been damaged mentally and physically; many German soldiers died young for the Nazis; people in the world lost their job and normal life because of the unprecedented virus, and corrupted media helped to hide the reality. Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are being harmed by media is that they can make people depressed. In human history, the gap between the poor and the rich has existed, but exposed celebrities’ lives often make people exceptionally frustrated. For example, the daughter of a big hotel owner shows off her everyday life extravagance wasting hundreds of fashion items. Ignoring daily effort, people might be dragged by the fancy lives of celebrities. Therefore, Mammonism and pariah capitalism, which can spoil children are overwhelming the society, and the media also have played an important role in this situation. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the opinion that news and media are making our life positively because they are manipulative and discourage people. Given this situation, it seems that people should have a keen sight to differentiate true from false when they get new information from any source.
There are those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are impacting our livelihoods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disagree. I
totally
disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deceived and depressed.

The main reason why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are harming our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is that they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an effective tool by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with power and money thorough history.
In particular
, from WWII, when the Nazis controlled German citizens with their detrimental propaganda, to the most recent case, when Chinese authorities hid the actual number of COVID-19 cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, such as newspapers and broadcasts, have
been manipulated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been damaged
mentally and
physically
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
German soldiers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
young for the Nazis;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world lost their job and normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unprecedented virus, and corrupted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the reality.

Another reason why I support the notion that our livelihoods are
being harmed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depressed. In human history, the gap between the poor and the rich has existed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
exposed celebrities’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exceptionally
frustrated.
For example
, the daughter of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hotel owner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
off her everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
extravagance wasting hundreds of fashion items. Ignoring daily effort,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
be dragged
by the fancy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of celebrities.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mammonism
and pariah capitalism, which can spoil children are overwhelming the society, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
have played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this situation.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are making our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
positively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are manipulative and discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a keen sight to differentiate true from false when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information from any source.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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