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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? v.12

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 12
Media exposure of famous people is agreed to have been denoting a strong aversion on the youngsters by a lot people. This essay will explain the extent at which I strongly agree that most children these days can be negatively impacted with gaining assess to viewing or reading about most celebrities. To begin with, Majority of the well known people are not living lives worth emulating rather an unreasonable life. For instance, One of the most respected and known musicians Halley Williams sustains on drugs and also get his inspirations from that and to him it definitely pays off. Obviously, children who love to sing like him will be of the opinion that the best way to go about it and get the same or a better result is by taking drugs. Sadly, one of the major reason media coverage of celebrities have high negative impact on children. In addition, the entertainment industry has grown worse set of celebrities. For example, among them you get to know more about homosexuals, drug addicts, naked dressing and so on. More so, if the young ones do not have access to viewing celebrities via media, these bad attitudes will not be of great impact on them. Not to leave behind, is that level of youngster concentration has drastically reduced that they hardly concentrate on their studies, but rather focus more on studying the lives of celebrities. In conclusion, I strongly agree that exposing children to media coverage of celebrities can be a damage of the character. Hence, the negative impact on their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
exposure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to have been denoting a strong aversion on the youngsters by a lot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the extent at which I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that most children these days can be
negatively
impacted with gaining assess to viewing or reading about most celebrities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
It seems that an article is missing.
Majority of
the well known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
worth emulating
rather
an unreasonable life.
For instance
, One of the most respected and known musicians Halley Williams sustains on drugs and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his inspirations from that and to him it definitely pays off.
Obviously
, children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to sing like him will be of the opinion that the best way to go about it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same or a better result is by taking drugs.
Sadly
, one of the major reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on children.

In addition
, the entertainment industry has grown worse set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
For example
, among them you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more about homosexuals, drug addicts, naked dressing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if the young ones do not have access to viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes will not be of great impact on them. Not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind, is that level of youngster concentration has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
that they hardly concentrate on their studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
focus more on studying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of celebrities.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that exposing children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can be a
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
the character.
Hence
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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