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Some people believe that despite widespread the social media and internet, the traditional newspaper hold the most vital position in new readers. It appears to me, this idea, nowadays, is rather absurd for some major reasons which will be discussed in det v.2

Some people believe that despite widespread the social media and internet, the traditional newspaper hold the most vital position in new readers. It appears to me, this idea, nowadays, is rather absurd for some major reasons which will be discussed in det v. 2
Some people believe that despite widespread the social media and internet, the traditional newspaper hold the most vital position in new readers. It appears to me, this idea, nowadays, is rather absurd for some major reasons which will be discussed in detail. At the first thing that attracts people to read news on the online sources of media their easy access. With the emergence of internet, the people in over the world can access numerous news through smart devices such as mobile, tablet and …. Actually, at recent decades, For example, a terrorism attack would be update on different channels like CNN, BBC, Instagram and Facebook at the same time. By contrast, with prolonging the production process like editing and printing, the traditional newspaper might not able to compete with internet in terms of the updating speed. Secondly, in my point of view, the internet can take over the position of printed newspaper because of the new experience it bring to readers. Also, the traditional newspaper cannot to convey visual message to the people who interested read news on regular. Another key benefit of online news compete with printed news is the ability to share articles and discuss with others about this. From another angle, newspapers will continue to be a vital source of information, even in the Internet age. The most rational argument in favor of this assertion is that the newspaper still the most traditional means of communicating the news and used by many people. For instance, old humans or People who do not have the ability to use the Internet. Finally, many people like the experience of holding and reading a paper rather than looking at the computer screen. In conclusion, I disagree with the view that newspapers will continue to be the main source of news, because I believe that more people will be drawn use the internet and social media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that despite widespread the social media and internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
hold the most vital position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
readers. It appears to me, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, nowadays, is
rather
absurd for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major reasons which will
be discussed
in detail.

At the
first
thing that attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the online sources of media their easy access. With the emergence of internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in over the world can access numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
through smart devices such as mobile, tablet and ….

Actually, at recent decades,
For example
, a terrorism attack would be
Consider using a past participle here: "updated".
update
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels like CNN, BBC, Instagram and Facebook at the same time. By contrast, with prolonging the production process like editing and printing, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
might not able to compete with internet in terms of the updating speed.

Secondly
, in my point of view, the internet can take over the position of printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
to readers.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
cannot to convey visual message to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who interested read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on regular. Another key benefit of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
compete with printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is the ability to share articles and discuss with others about this.

From another angle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will continue to be a vital source of information, even in the Internet age. The most rational argument in favor of this assertion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
still
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
means of communicating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
humans or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do not have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the experience of holding and reading a paper
rather
than looking at the computer screen.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will continue to be the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be drawn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet and social media.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people believe that despite widespread the social media and internet, the traditional newspaper hold the most vital position in new readers. It appears to me, this idea, nowadays, is rather absurd for some major reasons which will be discussed in det v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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