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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.8

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 8
Some people argue that all children's activities must have educational contents, otherwise they are pointless. This essay disagrees with this statement because children need some free times to support their education and it teaches them how to deal with tensions. Firstly, let children play what they like can eventually help them advance their studies. This is because a child's brain gets overwhelmed if it constantly receive information, which could result in resistance to new information. On the other hand, children learn more effectively when they have free time in between their formal education. For example, Finland has been admitted to have the best educational system even though it lets pupils play more than study. Secondly, having some fun times can teach boys and girls how to handle stress when they grow up. This will be an important lesson to prepare them to become more balanced adults in the future. As a result, the next generation will be happier and more productive at the same time. For example, I had a classmate who always been forced to study by his parents and now he has grown as a man without social skills. In conclusions, this essay discussed about how free time can support children to be successful in academics, and it creates more balanced adults in the future. Therefore, I disagree with the statement mentioned in the introduction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that all children's activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have educational contents,
otherwise
they are pointless. This essay disagrees with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to support their education and it teaches them how to deal with tensions.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play what they like can
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them advance their studies. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a child's brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
overwhelmed if it
constantly
receive information, which could result in resistance to new information.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn more
effectively
when they have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in between their formal education.
For example
, Finland has
been admitted
to have the best educational system
even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
pupils play more than study.

Secondly
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
can teach boys and girls how to handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when they grow up. This will be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson to prepare them to become more balanced adults in the future.
As a result
, the
next
generation will be happier and more productive at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, I had a classmate who always
been forced
to study by his parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he has grown as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
without social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusions, this essay
Did you mean simply "discussed how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about how
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful in academics, and it creates more balanced adults in the future.
Therefore
, I disagree with the statement mentioned in the introduction.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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