Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v.23

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 23
Today, education has become a priority for many parents seeking to secure a good future for their children in this rapidly changing world. They believe that if their children apply themselves and work hard at school, then they will increase their opportunities for going to higher education and eventually getting a good job. Of course, they are right, and as access to the best education and best jobs is becoming more competitive, then it is true that children have to make the best of their study time when they are young. However, the parents who do not allow their children sufficient free time for leisure activities outside school hours are misguided. Such activities are far from being a waste of time for the children simply because they are not academic. It is important to remember that children need to develop skills other than intellectual ones, and the best way to do this is through activities such as sports, games and playing with other kids. If they cannot play make-believe games, how can they develop their imagination? How can they learn physical coordination or learn important social lessons about winning and losing if they do not practise any sports? Many children form strong, personal relationships with the friends they play with, and without the opportunity to do this, they could grow up emotionally immature or unformed. Finally, I think it is also important to remember that, children need to relax as well as work. If everything they do must have some educational or academic relevance, then they will soon get tired of studying altogether, which is the last thing parents would want.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, education has become a priority for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents seeking to secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in this
rapidly
changing world. They believe that if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
apply themselves and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at school, then they will increase their opportunities for going to higher education and
eventually
getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.
Of course
, they are right, and as access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
jobs is becoming more competitive, then it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
of their study time when they are young.

However
, the parents who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
sufficient free time for leisure activities outside school hours
are misguided
. Such activities are far from being a waste of time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not academic. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to remember that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
other than intellectual ones, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way to do this is through activities such as sports, games and playing with other kids. If they cannot play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-believe games, how can they develop their imagination? How can they learn physical coordination or learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social lessons about winning and losing if they do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
any sports?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
form strong, personal relationships with the friends they play with, and without the opportunity to do this, they could grow up
emotionally
immature or unformed.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to remember that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to relax
as well
as work. If everything they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational or academic relevance, then they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of studying altogether, which is the last thing parents would want.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 23

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts