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Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.20

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 20
In recent times, parents are more conscious about the development of their adolescents. They opine that the free time activities of the pupils must be inclined to their academics rather than wasting their time in recreational activity. I partially disagree with the above notion and supporting arguments are discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the most important reason to introduce creative activities to pupils during their leisure time is to provide them all around development. Due to non-academic activities such as music, dance and sports would develop many important skills, which could not be taught by lectures and books. For instance, the children can learn the importance of teamwork and time by playing a football match. Moreover, the recreational activity during the leisure will help the students to get a break from their monotonous study and it works as a stress buster for them. Thus, apart from educational work, the sports and creative work will contribute to the personality development of the adolescents. Furthermore, to develop confidence and independent thinking some activity such as painting and singing are essential for the pupils. Consequently, the attraction of a child towards the art enhances his imaginative power, which will make a positive impact on his academics. For example, the researchers had surveyed that the children having good painting skills consists of good handwritings. Lastly, nowadays, many youngsters are suffering from obesity. To prevent these dieses to the young generation, they must be motivated towards athletics and regular exercise during free time. To conclude, the leisure activities of the youngsters play a vital role in their academic and personal development. In my view, the adolescents must be motivated for recreational activities during their free time. The educational institutes have to spread awareness to the society about the importance of such activity.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, parents are more conscious about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of their adolescents. They opine that the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of the pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be inclined
to their academics
rather
than wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. I
partially
disagree with the above notion and supporting arguments
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason to introduce creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to pupils during their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is to provide them all around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Due to non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as music, dance and sports would develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which could not
be taught
by lectures and books.
For instance
, the children can learn the importance of teamwork and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by playing a football match.
Moreover
, the recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
during the leisure will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a break from their monotonous study and it works as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them.
Thus
, apart from educational work, the sports and creative work will contribute to the personality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the adolescents.

Furthermore
, to develop confidence and independent thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as painting and singing are essential for the pupils.
Consequently
, the attraction of a child towards the art enhances his imaginative power, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on his academics.
For example
, the researchers had surveyed that the children having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
consists of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
handwritings
.
Lastly
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are suffering from obesity. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieses
to the young generation, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be motivated
towards athletics and regular exercise during free time.

To conclude
, the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of the youngsters play a vital role in their academic and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. In my view, the adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be motivated
for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The educational institutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spread awareness to the society about the importance of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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