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Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support! v.4

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support! v. 4
No one denies the idea that parents play a pivotal role in children's development. It is even strongly suggested that they ideally use most their spare time with their parents. However, there exists an opposing view, assuming that children should also spend part of their childhood with their peers. This essay will discuss both views and reach the conclusion. On the one hand, it may appear advisable for children to live with their parents exclusively. Some parents believe that this the best way in which they educate ground rules, such as character, code of conduct and other proper behaviour. Furthermore, parents can monitor children’s development directly and even can make some necessary anticipations if their children misbehave. This also minimises the children to receive any bullying both verbally or physically from their peers which may lead to distract the children’s mentality development in the future. Although the children are strongly suggested to spend most of their time with their parents, this does not mean that they are not encouraged to interact with their peers because they also need to develop their interpersonal and social skills through interaction with their friends. On the other hand, we also have to ask whether this view is applicable or not in modern society since the parents tend to work eight hours a day (for instance) in capital cities where its living cost demands them to produce more money to meet their basic needs. Consequently, the parents could not be always available for the children during rush hour. Therefore, childcare will be a viable option for them. The children will have a lot of times to socialise with their peers in the childcare, meaning that they will develop their social skills naturally. This appears to be a suitable learning environment if it is conducted under careful supervision of nurses, hopefully bullying can be minimised among children during the class in the childcare. To sum up, while children should expend most of the time with their parents, they also need to have more space to interact with their peers, hoping that they would develop their social skills through interaction. It is all about balancing portion between spending time with parents and interaction because both of them are crucial for the children's developmental phase in the early age.
No one denies the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a pivotal role in children's development. It is even
strongly
suggested that they
ideally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, there exists an opposing view, assuming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
spend part of their childhood with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
. This essay will discuss both views and reach the conclusion.

On the one hand, it may appear advisable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
exclusively.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that this the best way in which they educate ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, such as character, code of conduct and other proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development
directly
and even can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary anticipations if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
misbehave. This
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimises' is British English.
minimises
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to receive any bullying both
verbally
or
physically
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
which may lead to distract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mentality development in the future. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
strongly
The verb 'suggested' is used with the gerund form: "suggested spending".
suggested to spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this does not mean that they are not encouraged to interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
need to develop their interpersonal and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through interaction with their friends.

On the other hand
, we
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask whether this view is applicable or not in modern society since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to work eight hours a day (
for instance
) in capital cities where its living cost demands them to produce more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could not be always available for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during rush hour.
Therefore
, childcare will be a viable option for them. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
in the childcare, meaning that they will develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
naturally
. This appears to be a suitable learning environment if it
is conducted
under careful supervision of nurses,
hopefully
bullying can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in the childcare.

To sum up, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should expend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
also
need to have more space to interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
, hoping that they would develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through interaction. It is all about balancing portion between spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both of them are crucial for the children's developmental phase in the early age.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support! v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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