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Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support. v.1

People have different views about whether it would be better for children to spend more time within the family. While some people think that it has a detrimental effect on the forming of social skills in kids, I support those who believe that quality family time helps to nurture positive behavior and moral values in youngsters. There are several reasons of why children should not spend time with their parents. Firstly, the more time kids spend with family members, the less time they can spend with friends. This can make it hard for a child to develop interpersonal skills or even good friendship. By facing with social anxiety and even being too dependent on their parents, children eventually become introvert adults and it makes it difficult to adapt into the community. It may create certain communication problems at school, university and than in the workplace. However, I support those who believe that a solid bond between parents and child is a vital precondition for a healthy relationship. Commitment to the family relationship conveys a sense of worth and security to the child. By this way parents can promote good behavior, some moral values and traditions at an early stage of children’s life. Also, being under constant control of parents prevents kids from behaving recklessly. For example, recent studies show that teenagers who spend more time with their family are less likely to engage in substance abuse. In conclusion, even if the idea of that children should spend all of their time with the family has some drawbacks, I personally believe that it has positive results in the long run. ges.
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have
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different
views about whether it would be better for
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children
to
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spend
more
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time
within the
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family
. While
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some
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people
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think
that it has a detrimental effect on the forming of social
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skills
in kids, I support those who believe that quality
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family
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time
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helps
to nurture
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positive
behavior and moral values in youngsters.

There are several reasons of why
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children
should not
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spend
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time
with their
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parents
.
Firstly
, the more
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time
kids
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spend
with
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family
members, the less
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time
they can
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spend
with friends. This can
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make
it
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hard
for a child to develop interpersonal
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skills
or even
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good
friendship. By facing with social anxiety and even being too dependent on their
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parents
,
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children
eventually
become introvert
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
it
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makes
it difficult to adapt into the community. It may create certain communication problems at school, university and
Did you mean “then”?
than
in the workplace.

However
, I support those who believe that a solid bond between
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parents
and child is a vital precondition for a healthy relationship. Commitment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship conveys a sense of worth and security to the child. By this way
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parents
can promote
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good
behavior,
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some
moral values and traditions at an early stage of
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children’s
life.
Also
, being under constant control of
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
kids from behaving
recklessly
.
For example
, recent studies
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show
that
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teenagers
who
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spend
more
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time
with their
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family
are less likely to engage in substance abuse.

In conclusion
, even if the
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idea
of that
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children
should
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spend
all of their
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time
with the
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family
has
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some
drawbacks, I
personally
believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results in the long run.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
ges
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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