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Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 7
It is necessary for people to learn how to save their money rather than use it badly. Some views say that, important for kids to get knowledge at school about how to money management. I partly disagree with this option, in this essay I am going to discuss that. We cannot deny the important impact of wasting money in lot of gadgets. Mostly people do not have control in payments that is mean a lot of purchases may seem not essential in person’s life. However, I see that saving money is “life skill”. Children at schools should get more important skills in subjects such as in math and science rather than skills could be taken from the real life. There are several ways for parents to guide their children in utilize money. Firstly, by motivating them to collect money as much as they can to use it in a special occasion like, celebration of new baby born. Secondly, remind them usually by good values to deal with money for example, money is limited so person’s pay must be safely. Finally, children mostly affected by their parents’ behavior and this is a fabulous chance to care and pay safely so that kids will imitate. In conclusion, practical lessons or skills could be taken from parents or family, while in school kids are preferable to be in progress of their worth and deep subjects. In some cases, students sometimes got a free period in this case it would be powerful if teacher shows them videos only to spend time helpfully.
It is necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn how to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
badly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
views say that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge at school about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management. I partly disagree with this option, in this essay I am going to discuss that.

We cannot deny the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
gadgets.
Mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have control in payments
that is
mean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
may seem not essential in person’s life.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is “life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill”
. Children at schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in subjects such as in math and science
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could
be taken
from the real life.

There are several ways for parents to guide their children in utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
, by motivating them to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as much as they can to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in a special occasion like, celebration of new baby born.
Secondly
, remind them
usually
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
person’s pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
safely
.
Finally
, children
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their parents’ behavior and this is a fabulous chance to care and pay
safely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids will imitate.

In conclusion
, practical lessons or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could
be taken
from parents or family, while in school kids are preferable to be in progress of their worth and deep subjects. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a free period
in this case
it would be powerful if teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
them videos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to spend time
helpfully
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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