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'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. ' To what extent to you agree or disagree with the statement? v.2

'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. ' v. 2
It is often argued that participating in video games is considered to be a loss of valuable time, therefore, it should be forbidden for kids to play them. I fully agree that children should be banned from playing computer games. This essay will; firstly, examine how the continuous use of these games is detrimental to a child’s optical health, secondly, discuss how their content may negatively impact children’s fragile minds. Many believe that children should play computer games because it is a means of relaxing in stressful everyday school life. Because children are constantly being tested at school, it is often thought that playing video games in free time gives them space to be creative and carefree. Regardless, this is a negligible advantage as there are many other ways to release stress, like sports. However, children should not play video games due to their numerous harmful effects video games, especially on the eyes. This is because, hours per day are spent fixated on a laptop screen playing these games, consequently, putting a strain on eyes and reducing their optical capacity. This can be exemplified by countless medical studies like the Childs Optical Health Society Research, which concluded that 50% of children who wear glasses spend at least one hour a day playing computer games. Overall, this may result in grave consequences such as, the child may require glasses. Another point is, computer games have an extremely negative influence on kids mentality. This is due to the fact that these games may contain inappropriate language, harmful imagery and concepts. Thus, leading to aggressive behaviour and thoughts. For example, Grand theft auto –a famous law breaking aggressive video game- was found to be a common factor amongst 70% of juvenile offenders in the uk in 2018. Owing to the fragile nature of young minds, they may easily be swayed and influenced by these games. In conclusion, although there is much debate surrounding the topic of the youth and computer games, undoubtedly it is a unfavourable trend as it reduces optical health and promotes violence in some instances. In future, I hope video games are unavailable by law for children under 18.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is considered
to be a loss of valuable time,
therefore
, it should
be forbidden
for kids to play them. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be banned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will;
firstly
, examine how the continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is detrimental to a child’s optical health,
secondly
, discuss how their content may
negatively
impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
fragile minds.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a means of relaxing in stressful everyday school life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
constantly
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
at school, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in free time gives them space to be creative and carefree. Regardless, this is a negligible advantage as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, like sports.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to their numerous harmful effects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
especially
on the eyes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, hours per day
are spent
fixated on a laptop screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
consequently
, putting a strain on eyes and reducing their optical capacity. This can
be exemplified
by countless medical studies like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childs
Optical Health Society Research, which concluded that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who wear glasses spend at least one hour a day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Overall
, this may result in grave consequences such as, the child may require glasses.

Another point is, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on kids mentality.
This is due to the fact that
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may contain inappropriate language, harmful imagery and concepts.
Thus
, leading to aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and thoughts.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Grand theft auto
–a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
law breaking aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game-
was found
to be a common factor amongst 70% of juvenile offenders in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
uk
in 2018. Owing to the fragile nature of young minds, they may
easily
be swayed
and influenced by these games.

In conclusion
, although there is much debate surrounding the topic of the youth and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
undoubtedly
it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
trend as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
optical health and promotes violence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, I hope
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are unavailable by law for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 18.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay 'Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. ' v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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