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spme people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while other think it is more important to spend time with friends and family

Some people believe, it is important to spend more time developing a successful career, while others believe it is important to spend time with family and friends. v. 2
A majority of people claim that the most significant part of a youngster's time is spent in promotion of achievement. Whereas, other individuals believe that it is also substance for young people to spend more time with friends and family too. Adolescence of a nation is the capacity of a country. We will discuss both aspects of the argument, how young people utilized their time. To begin with, there is no doubt that career development contributes to the improvement of people’s living standard and sense of fulfilment. It is possible to say that a person who tends to devote more time on his/her job pursues more financial return. The main reason for this is that financial security now has become extremely vital to a family—a household not only has to bear the daily expenses that are continuously rising, but also pay the exorbitant tuition fee of its children. In addition, a prestigious job brings an individual a sense of fulfilment including fame and higher social status. However, others have the opinion that it is necessary for people to dedicate more time to their friends and family, since the fast pace of life somehow leads to the disintegration of families and relationships. For example, parents who pursue money and career are more likely to neglect their children and the elders in their family; college graduates who seek better job opportunity choose to migrate to metropolises that are far away from their home. To summarize, there is no easy answer to this debate. On balance, however, we have to admit that both career and family play a significant role in our lives. Hence, it is important for us to balance these two aspects in order to make our life happier.
A majority of
people
claim that the most significant part of a youngster's
time
is spent
in promotion of achievement. Whereas, other individuals believe that it is
also
substance for young
people
to spend more
time
with friends and
family
too. Adolescence of a nation is the capacity of a country. We will discuss both aspects of the argument, how young
people
utilized their
time
. To
begin
with, there is no doubt that career development contributes to the improvement of
people’s
living standard and sense of
fulfilment
. It is possible to say that a person who tends to devote more
time
on his/her job pursues more financial return. The main reason for this is that financial security
now
has become
extremely
vital to a family—a household not
only
has to
bear the daily expenses that are
continuously
rising,
but
also
pay the exorbitant tuition fee of its children.
In addition
, a prestigious job brings an individual a sense of
fulfilment
including fame and higher social status.

However
, others have the opinion that it is necessary for
people
to dedicate more
time
to their friends and
family
, since the
fast
pace of life somehow leads to the disintegration of
families
and relationships.
For example
, parents who pursue money and career are more likely to neglect their children and the elders in their
family
; college graduates who seek better job opportunity choose to migrate to metropolises that are far away from their home.

To summarize
, there is no easy answer to this debate. On balance,
however
, we
have to
admit that both career and
family
play a significant role in our
lives
.
Hence
, it is
important
for us to balance these two aspects in order to
make
our life happier.
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IELTS essay spme people think it is more important to spend time in developing a successful career while other think it is more important to spend time with friends and family

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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