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TPO 41 - Question 2Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment, such as movies or concerts on campus. Others believe that university money should only be used for academic purposes. Which view do you a v.1

TPO 41 - Question 2Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment, such as movies or concerts on campus. Others believe that university money should only be used for academic purposes. Which view do you a v. 1
Nowadays, young people fear that they will not be able to find a good job. So, work counsellors advise to invest in further instruction rather than try to gain some experience. However, I completely disagree with this point of view. Due to the lack of employees, especially in specific sectors, entrepreneurs prefer to employ younger people and to train them at work. Consequently, people looking for a job tend to hand curriculum vitae in bosses' hands as soon as they graduate. Moreover, young people can work much more than others because they are less busy: in fact, they usually do not have to look after children or family. This is the main reason why interviewers often ask for the applicant's future plans, in order to understand how much time he could dedicate to the company and contribute to its growth. On the other hand, some people could argue that academic preparation is much more important, as it allows to best perform required tasks. However, even though this view could be technically appropriate for certain types of jobs -for instance, some scientific careers-, special training may be organized to teach new features or to train the employees to carry out certain activities. Furthermore, people can really improve their profit and their abilities by experiencing and practicing. To sum up, business traineeships should be encouraged, as they allow both to learn new skills, to earn some money and to gain experience that could be spent when looking for other kinds of jobs.
Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fear that they will not be able to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, work
Possible spelling mistake. 'counsellors' is British English.
counsellors
advise
Did you mean "investing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'advise' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to invest
in
further
instruction
rather
than try to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience.
However
, I completely disagree with this point of view.

Due to the lack of employees,
especially
in specific sectors, entrepreneurs prefer to employ younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to train them at work.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
tend to hand curriculum vitae in bosses' hands as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they graduate.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work much more than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are less busy: in fact, they
usually
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after children or family. This is the main reason why interviewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the applicant's future plans, in order to understand how much time he could dedicate to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and contribute to its growth.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could argue that academic preparation is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to best perform required tasks.
However
,
even though
this view could be
technically
appropriate for certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
-
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific careers-, special training may
be organized
to teach new features or to train the employees to carry out certain activities.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their profit and their abilities by experiencing and practicing.

To sum up, business traineeships should
be encouraged
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
both to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money and to gain experience that could
be spent
when looking for other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 41 - Question 2Some people believe it is important for universities to provide funding for student entertainment, such as movies or concerts on campus. Others believe that university money should only be used for academic purposes. Which view do you a v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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