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Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. v.1

Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. v. 1
A country is known by its subjects, the people who reside in that country. There are, of course, other parameters as well, like the economy of the country, the Gross Domestic Product, the average income earned per person, to name a few. However, these other parameters ultimately are dependent on the available resources with such country. There are countries on this globe which have a handful of resources, but a judicious approach in utilising and exploiting these limited resources makes a country being either looked upon or looked down or even ignored in certain cases. Due to this, one of the many factors, the government of a country must try to divert its resources (read monetary resources) towards building a healthy nation by investing and nurturing the health of its inhabitants. There are two schools of thoughts whose views vary from one another. One of the schools is of the view that the available monetary resources must be diverted towards enhancing the skills of a few of the top athletes, which the country adorns. The view of the other school, however, is skewed on the other side which believes that the financial resources, at the disposal of a country, must be directed towards making available better facilities to the general public, at large. According to the other school, the impetus must be towards extending benefits to a large base of the population rather than restricting the flow of benefit to a privileged class. Though the importance of exploiting the talent of top athletes, who are few in numbers, cannot be ignored, as they do bring the charm, glory, laurel and fame to their parent country by winning sports competition, albeit, at the cost of public, at large. As a matter of fact, the opinion of one of the schools of thoughts was vouched for, in one of the articles of the weekly magazine, The XAW. The magazine depicted the amount spent for promoting sports by investing the taxpayer's money, on a few top sports person. The data clearly revealed and drew a picture that clearly did show the exorbitant amount so spent. It can be safely said that these are not mere speculations of an armchair dreamer but are the bare truth revealed by the statistics. Thus, it can be candidly and, with evidence, concluded that the government must divert their economic resources towards providing general facilities, which are mandatory, to the population, which has a large base, rather than investing money on a few top athletes. It, however, does not diminish the value of sports because sports is one of the activities which provide health to anyone who pursues it and of course health, for everyone is dearer than the fine opals, more precious than the emeralds!
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is known
by its subjects, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who reside in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are,
of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parameters
as well
, like the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the Gross Domestic Product, the average income earned per person, to name a few.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parameters
ultimately
are dependent on the available resources with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on this globe which have a handful of resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a judicious approach in
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
and exploiting these limited resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
being either looked upon or looked down or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in certain cases. Due to this, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to divert its resources (read monetary resources) towards building a healthy nation by investing and nurturing the health of its inhabitants.

There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of thoughts whose views vary from one another. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is of the view that the available monetary resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be diverted
towards enhancing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
athletes, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
adorns. The view of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
however
,
is skewed
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side which believes that the financial resources, at the disposal of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be directed
towards making available better facilities to the
Consider using "public".
general public
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
. According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the impetus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be towards extending benefits to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
base of the population
rather
than restricting the flow of benefit to a privileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

Though the importance of exploiting the talent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
athletes, who are few in numbers, cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, as they do bring the charm, glory, laurel and fame to their parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by winning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition, albeit, at the cost of public, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
. As a matter of fact, the opinion of one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of thoughts
was vouched
for, in one of the articles of the weekly magazine, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
XAW
. The magazine depicted the amount spent for promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by investing the taxpayer's money, on a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person. The data
clearly
revealed and drew a picture that
clearly
did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the exorbitant amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
spent. It can be
safely
said that these are not mere speculations of an armchair dreamer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are the bare truth revealed by the statistics.

Thus
, it can be
candidly
and, with evidence, concluded that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
divert their economic resources towards providing general facilities, which are mandatory, to the population, which has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
base,
rather
than investing money on a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
athletes. It,
however
, does not diminish the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one of the activities which provide health to anyone who pursues it and
of course
health, for everyone is dearer than the fine opals, more precious than the emeralds!
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
458 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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