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Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. v. 1
It is now common to mix the university free time with a part-time activity, some may think this improves prospective access to enhanced quality of life. On the contrary, there are some that find work while studying bad for the learning capacity. I will argue why having a job while being a student is a smart way to transition to adulthood. On one hand, it is a great achievement to work and become independent of our parents. For instance, the minute we learn to ride a bicycle without our parent's help, we dream about getting as far as we possibly can with it. Therefore, it is extremely useful to have a job while studying to learn the importance of self-sufficiency and money-management skills. Moreover, it is a good idea to have extra money and decide for ourselves on what to spend it or save it for larger projects. On the other hand, having too many additional responsibilities apart from the university obligations can easily risk our forthcoming. This happens when a student decides to favour their job instead of the long-term benefit of graduating as a professional. Although it can seem like a good idea to drop out of university to earn money, not preparing for a competitive labour market can have serious consequences in the future. Take for example the bad grades a student can get if work does not allow to deliver the tasks on time. To conclude, the sooner a person starts working, the sooner this person will understand the value of being independent. Some others would argue students need to focus all their efforts on scoring good grades and not being distracted by external factors, such as jobs. The true value of becoming self-sufficient is to learn how to build upon a strong foundation and ultimately enjoying a better future.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
common to mix the university free time with a part-time activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
prospective access to enhanced quality of life.
On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that find work while studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the learning capacity. I will argue why having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is a smart way to transition to adulthood.

On one hand, it is a great achievement to work and become independent of our parents.
For instance
, the minute we learn to ride a bicycle without our parent's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, we dream about getting as far as we
possibly
can with it.
Therefore
, it is
extremely
useful to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while studying to learn the importance of self-sufficiency and money-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to have extra money and decide for ourselves on what to spend it or save it for larger projects.

On the other hand
, having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
additional responsibilities apart from the university obligations can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
our forthcoming. This happens when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
decides to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instead
of the long-term benefit of graduating as a professional. Although it can seem like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to drop out of university to earn money, not preparing for a competitive
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market can have serious consequences in the future. Take
for example
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
grades a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
if work does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to deliver the tasks on time.

To conclude
, the sooner a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
working, the sooner this person will understand the value of being independent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
others would argue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to focus all their efforts on scoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades and not
being distracted
by external factors, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The true value of becoming self-sufficient is to learn how to build upon a strong foundation and
ultimately
enjoying a better future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part-time to ensure better opportunities in the future. Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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