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Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion? v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that the media is ruling over people’s minds by providing an abundance of information about the different sections of the whole sphere, but there is a part of society as well which believes that the mass media only focuses on broadcasting problems and emergencies than the advancement. I personally do not advocate this perspective as there are many evidences which are in favour of the media. It is universally accepted that the development and knowledge brought by the media, is assisting us everywhere. One can be aware about upcoming detrimental situations nearby, if such news will be flashed on televisions or other broadcasting sources. Even, the people can raise their awareness about how to encounter such difficult circumstances. Ideal example here can be supermarkets and congested busy places, where pickpockets and shoplifters are common cases. People can be conscious and prepare for such situations, and they will pay extra attention on keeping their valuables safe. In addition to this, focusing on emergencies or problematic areas can also provide an opportunity for the government or concerned authorities consider and resolve them. For instance, if an accident occurs somewhere and different media is broadcasting the news, police will take swift action there, so there will not be any traffic jams or chaos among other drivers. Moreover, other commuters can change their way to home or work while travelling to avoid delays. Likewise, a better and safe environment will be created for common man to live if media puts more emphasis on the negative aspect of society, as many actions will be taken to eradicate the related problems. After taking everything into consideration, this can be concluded that even emphasizing more on argumentative overlook, the mass media proves itself as a wonderful gift of technology and progression with long term pros.
It is an undeniable fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is ruling over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s minds by providing an abundance of information about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections of the whole sphere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a part of society
as well
which believes that the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focuses on broadcasting problems and emergencies than the advancement. I
personally
do not advocate this perspective as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
evidences which are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the media.

It is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the development and knowledge brought by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, is assisting us everywhere. One can be aware about upcoming detrimental situations nearby, if such news will
be flashed
on televisions or other broadcasting sources. Even, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can raise their awareness about how to encounter such difficult circumstances. Ideal example here can be supermarkets and congested busy places, where pickpockets and shoplifters are common cases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can be conscious and prepare for such situations, and they will pay extra attention on keeping their valuables safe.

In addition
to this, focusing on emergencies or problematic areas can
also
provide an opportunity for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or concerned authorities consider and resolve them.
For instance
, if an accident occurs somewhere and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is broadcasting the news, police will take swift action there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there will not be any traffic jams or chaos among other drivers.
Moreover
, other commuters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their way to home or work while travelling to avoid delays.
Likewise
, a better and safe environment will
be created
for common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
puts more emphasis on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of society, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
actions will
be taken
to eradicate the related problems.

After taking everything into consideration, this can
be concluded
that even emphasizing more on argumentative overlook, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
proves itself as a wonderful gift of technology and progression with long term pros.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Some people claim that the government should provide free health care. Others think that the government will not provide the most innovative methods of treatment and it's better to invest those funds in education and culture. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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