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Some people argue that Universities should accept an equal number of male and female students for all courses. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that Universities should accept an equal number of male and female students for all courses. v. 1
It is argued by some people that an equal number of students from both genders should be accepted in all courses by universities. However, I completely disagree with this viewpoint. At the outset, in spite of empowering women, there is a certain drawback of this approach. People advocate that having an equal number of genders in various courses, females could be empowered significantly, especially in the male-dominant societies. Because in such part of the world, equal female participation could lead to well educated females and good career opportunities for them. Nonetheless, despite its potential benefits, it seems to me that this approach is not a workable solution for the upliftment of women in the society. Due to the social perception, in such universities, it would not be easier to fill the reserved seats for the feminines. On the other hand, various other methods could be adopted by governments such as awareness campaigns for the empowerment of female members. Moving on, firstly this trend would inculcate a sense of discrimination amongst brilliant male students. If, despite having good merit scores, they are not allowed to take their desired courses, they would think that the system is unfair. Such thinking would lead to a disastrous life in the case of their education and further their careers as a result. Secondly, the same number of genders in tertiary education seems an impractical idea. It would not be possible to fill the vacant seats in higher education by both genders equally because certain courses are preferred by certain sexes. To cite a real-world example, in various countries, engineering subjects are chosen by males, while nursing courses are by females. Given this situation, these seats would remain vacant. This further leads to the third demerit that is the economic loss of Universities. As admitting a huge number of students is one of the main sources of the income for any institutes, it would be an uphill task to manage the expenses, if they remain deprived of admissions. In conclusion, the equal number of males and females in the university study is advocated by some people. Nevertheless, all the negative outcomes of this thought process are the main cause of my disagreement.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of students from both genders should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
However
, I completely disagree with this viewpoint.

At the outset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
empowering women, there is a certain drawback of this approach.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
advocate that having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of genders in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
could
be empowered
significantly
,
especially
in the male-dominant societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in such part of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
participation could lead to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career opportunities for them. Nonetheless, despite its potential benefits, it seems to me that this approach is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of women in the society. Due to the social perception, in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it would not be easier to fill the reserved seats for the feminines.
On the other hand
, various other methods could
be adopted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
such as awareness campaigns for the empowerment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
members.

Moving on,
firstly
this trend would inculcate a sense of discrimination amongst brilliant male students. If, despite having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
merit scores, they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the system is unfair. Such thinking would lead to a disastrous life in the case of their education and
further
their careers
as a result
.
Secondly
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of genders in tertiary education seems an impractical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It would not be possible to fill the vacant seats in higher education by both genders
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are preferred
by certain sexes. To cite a real-world example, in various countries, engineering subjects
are chosen
by males, while nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, these seats would remain vacant. This
further
leads to the third demerit
that is
the economic loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
. As admitting a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of students is one of the main sources of the income for any institutes, it would be an uphill task to manage the expenses, if they remain deprived of admissions.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
study
is advocated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Nevertheless
, all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process are the main cause of my disagreement.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that Universities should accept an equal number of male and female students for all courses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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