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When attending university, where is the best place to live? With your parents, in a campus dormitory, or in an apartment in the community? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

When attending university, where is the best place to live? With your parents, in a campus dormitory, or in an apartment in the community? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Most parents were disturbed by the increased action sequences in TV shows, computer games and many other juvenile programs, especially those watched by their kids. This essay will first look at how it produces an impact on young minds and then discusses how one can handle this situation. In most families, both the parents might be working this may leave the child to spend most of their time in front of the TV. Kids tend to absorb more when compared to adults. Watching their favourite superhero fight will automatically provide them the idea to use it to solve their own problem. For instance, a recent study conducted by Sydney Child Hospital on children who spends most their time on watching action cartoons presented high violent behaviour when there are upset compared to those who do not watch. This problem can be handled by monitoring the activities of their kids. Parent supervision is very important when they use Television or mobile phones. Moreover, they should be made to spend more time in playground rather than on entertainment shows. Another way to improve this monitoring is to use software specially made to restrict and refrain series containing fights. For example, current technology TV has default child lock facility where we can lock certain channels with passwords. To conclude, some entertainment programs bothers the parent as it may cause the child to behave violently. This issue can be tackled when the parents are careful enough to give proper attention towards their wards and utilize modern technology to scrutinize the programs they watch.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were disturbed
by the increased action sequences in TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, computer games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other juvenile programs,
especially
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by their kids. This essay will
first
look at how it produces an impact on young minds and then discusses how one can handle this situation.

In most families, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might be working this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to spend most of their time in front of the TV. Kids tend to absorb more when compared to adults. Watching their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
superhero fight will
automatically
provide them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to solve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problem.
For instance
, a recent study conducted by Sydney
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
Hospital on children who
Did you mean "spend"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
spends
most their time on watching action cartoons presented high violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
when there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "upsets"?
upset
compared to those who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

This problem can
be handled
by monitoring the activities of their kids.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parent
supervision is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Television or mobile phones.
Moreover
, they should
be made
to spend more time in playground
rather
than on entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. Another way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this monitoring is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
software
specially
made to restrict and refrain series containing fights.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technology TV has default
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
lock facility where we can lock certain channels with passwords.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment programs bothers the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
as it may cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to behave
violently
. This issue can
be tackled
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are careful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to give proper attention towards their wards and utilize modern technology to scrutinize the programs they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When attending university, where is the best place to live? With your parents, in a campus dormitory, or in an apartment in the community? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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