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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.20

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 20
The world has been certainly suffering from the many issues. From that, an important one is the rising weight of an individual and reducing their fitness level. The essay will discuss my stance, the main reasons and steps are taken to cure; this is explained with argument in below paragraphs. To begin with, the predominant cause for the swelling the weight of the people is their food habit. Nowadays, most of the people are working and having no time to cook as a result, they prefer the junk food as that is easily available. Moreover, with the availability of the instruments people life becomes very easy. As a result, they are not doing any physical activity to complete their routine work which helps to maintain their fitness. Although people are living a sedentary lifestyle, due to the modernized world. For example, the youngsters are suffering from the obesity due to their food habits and less demanding jobs. On the other hand, this will be handled by taking some precaution by an individual. The first measure is that the regime should ban some of the food which contains high calories. Even they impose the straighten law which forces people to firmly avoid it. Furthermore, another step is that the regime should start some sports activity and create awareness around the people to take part in. As this activity helps an individual to maintain their health and helps them to rejuvenate from their busy life. For instance, many companies are organizing a sports day, which helps their employee to maintain their robustness. In conclusion, people are suffering from the obesity around the globe is a major issue. The main reason of this is an individual food habit and changed lifestyle. So, this will be managed by the authority by imposing new law and sports centre which helps to maintain the robustness.
The world has been
certainly
suffering from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues. From that, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is the rising weight of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and reducing their fitness level. The essay will discuss my stance, the main reasons and steps
are taken
to cure; this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
with argument in below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant cause for the swelling the weight of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habit. Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working and having no time to cook
as a result
, they prefer the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as
that is
easily
available.
Moreover
, with the availability of the instruments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy.
As a result
, they are not doing any physical activity to complete their routine work which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
their fitness. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living a sedentary lifestyle, due to the modernized world.
For example
, the youngsters are suffering from the obesity due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and less demanding jobs.

On the other hand
, this will
be handled
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precaution by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. The
first
measure is that the regime should ban
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains high calories. Even they impose
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'straighten' is correct. If 'straighten' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the straighten
law which forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
firmly
avoid it.
Furthermore
, another step is that the regime should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports activity and create awareness around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in. As this activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
their health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to rejuvenate from their busy life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are organizing a sports day, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
their employee to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
their robustness.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from the obesity around the globe is a major issue. The main reason of this is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this will
be managed
by the authority by imposing new law and sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
the robustness.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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