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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Bill Gates founded Microsoft approximately 40 years ago. Since then we have seen an impressive technological improvement and technology has changed the way many people interact with each other. This essay will discuss the ways technology has affected the types of relationships people make as well as the question whether this is a positive or a negative development. To begin with, many of our relationships have become superficial. Advancement allows to communicate with each other using the internet. We do not have to speak eye-to-eye with each other. The relationship we have with our friends on Facebook, for instance, is not a strong one, because we often know the person barely. Furthermore, progress has led to many international relationships. People have friends all over the world, because meeting them is not a big deal anymore. Skype, for example, makes a person appear, despite one lives far away. Of course, this is a positive development, because relationships have become much easier. Nowadays, we can send small messages via WhatsApp, for instance, while a hundred years ago we had to write letters. However, due to our superficial relationships we do not really know each other and feels like caring about inner values and feeling is not important today. In conclusion, the technical evolution has left us speechless, even though it changed the types of relationships people make. This essay explained the different ways technology affected our relationship and argued positive and negative aspects of the technological development. In my opinion, the this is positive because relationships have become much easier.
Bill Gates founded Microsoft approximately 40 years ago. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, we".
then we
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an impressive technological improvement and technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This essay will discuss the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "ways'" or "way's"?
ways
technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as well
as
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
have become superficial. Advancement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "communicating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to communicate
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
using the internet. We do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
speak eye-to-eye with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
we have with our friends on Facebook,
for instance
, is not a strong one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
know the person
barely
.
Furthermore
, progress has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have friends all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
meeting them is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal anymore. Skype,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person appear, despite one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
far away.

Of course
, this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
have become much easier. Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
messages via WhatsApp,
for instance
, while a hundred years ago we had to write letters.
However
, due to our superficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
we do not
really
know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and feels like caring about inner values and feeling is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

In conclusion
, the technical evolution has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
us speechless,
even though
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "ways'" or "way's"?
ways
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
and argued
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the technological development. In my opinion,
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
have become much easier.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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