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TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - Briefly summarize the proposal in the student’s letter. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v.1

TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - Briefly summarize the proposal in the student’s letter. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v. 1
People hold different views about whether or not children should be permitted to decide every matter that are relevant to them. From my point of view, it is essential for youngsters make their own choices but under surveillance of adults. On the one hand, giving children the right to make their own decisions on what is involved them will enhance their independence and confidence. Since the world is inexorably changing, the parents’ thought is not always proper to their children. Forcing the young to observe every regular might put them under great pressure, which deprives them of being themselves. For instance, there are an enormous number of gay boys in my country suffering serious depression as they have to hide their characteristics. In comparisons with the boys who are accepted, those boys are less confident and constant. On the other hand, the parents need to introduce their offspring what is beneficial as they are usually misled by the things around them. There is likelihood that youngsters might be tainted when they are allowed to do whatever they want. Video games, for example, are deemed highly addictive from which parents need to prevent their children unless they will ruin the children’s health and make them indifferent to other people. Another example is the candy, if the parent does not restrict it, children could consume a massive amount of sugar, which causes obesity and other diseases. In conclusion, I will not take issue with allowing children to make decisions about their own matters, however, adults should be the guides who show the young what is beneficial to them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be permitted
to decide every matter that are relevant to them. From my point of view, it is essential for youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under surveillance of adults.

On the one hand, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions on what
is involved
them will enhance their independence and confidence. Since the world is
inexorably
changing, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is not always proper to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Forcing the young to observe every regular might put them under great pressure, which deprives them of being themselves.
For instance
, there are an enormous number of gay boys in my country suffering serious depression as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their characteristics. In comparisons with the boys who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
, those boys are less confident and constant.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to introduce their offspring what is beneficial as they are
usually
misled by
Consider using "the surrounding things".
the things around them
. There is likelihood that youngsters might
be tainted
when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do whatever they want. Video games,
for example
,
are deemed
highly
addictive from which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unless they will ruin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them indifferent to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Another example is the candy, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
does not restrict it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could consume a massive amount of sugar, which causes obesity and other diseases.

In conclusion
, I will not take issue with allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
matters,
however
, adults should be the guides who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the young what is beneficial to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay TOEFL Integrated speaking, question 3 - Briefly summarize the proposal in the student’s letter. Then state her opinion about the proposal and explain the reasons she gives for holding that opinion. - Preparation Time: 30 SecondsResponse Time: v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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