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Some people argue that it is better to be unemployed than to be employed in jobs they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that it is better to be unemployed than to be employed in jobs they do not enjoy. v. 1
Many try to have success at work and want to spend time with their loved ones at the same time. The main problem of this cause is exhausting and the most viable solution is to make people aware and educate about it. The principal problem associated with this is people try to spend their quality time with their family and at the same time they want successful career which resulted in burnout. Burnout is nothing but a person gets completely exhausted physical and mental which often leads to no more continuous. If this tiredness continues for a long time, then it will affect both physically and mentally which leads to the breakdown of a family and poor performance at work. For example, in a recent survey shows many CEO’s felt very bad because they did not spend quality time with their children because when they returned home they were completely exhausted. To tackle this difficult situation the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in the schools to educate people about the dangers of working too hard. . Many people afraid to ask their boss for work off because of stigma surrounding people those who work less than the normal hours and even these things they don’t even share with their family members. Which leads to break of a family and poor performance at work due to physical and mental extreme pressure. This publicity campaign could shed some light on this difficult situation and people will get opened up. For example a similar initiative conducted in Japan resulted in a 44% decrease in people calling in sick at work because of mental fatigue. In conclusion, balancing between work and spending time with family is very difficult which resulted into tiredness. However, through public awareness one can educate people about the dangers of working too hard.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
try to have success at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and want to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The main problem of this cause is exhausting and the most viable solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware and educate about it.

The principal problem associated with this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to spend their quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they want successful career which resulted in burnout. Burnout is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
completely exhausted physical and mental which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to no more continuous. If this tiredness continues for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, then it will affect both
physically
and mentally which leads to the breakdown of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and poor performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, in a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
CEO’s felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they returned home they were completely exhausted.

To tackle this difficult situation the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in the schools to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of working too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
afraid to ask their boss for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of stigma surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
less than the normal hours and even these things they don’t even share with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Which leads to break of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and poor performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to physical and mental extreme pressure. This publicity campaign could shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this difficult situation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opened up.
For example
a similar initiative conducted in Japan resulted in a 44% decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
calling in sick at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mental fatigue.

In conclusion
, balancing between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult which resulted into tiredness.
However
, through public awareness one can educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of working too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is better to be unemployed than to be employed in jobs they do not enjoy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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