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3. People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

3. People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 1
Life is all about ups and Downs. Some people face to many problematic conditions like an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. People's have different ways of dealing with it, some just tend to accept the worst situation and persist with it. While, others believe in fighting back and trying in progressing such disappointing situations. Personally, I completely agree with the second view. On the one hand, it sounds good in saying to improve awful things, however, evolving is not easy. Person have to embed every single thing. Living fully in the world is gratified by emotional and physical needs, moreover, basic physical wants are fulfilled by credit, we should have cash to buy things for yourself or our family. The peoples who accept the unsatisfactory works is all for the checks, we have to continue with it because basic demands are gained by paying bills. Despite of the fact that we aren't pleased with work environment or we aren't rewarded with good payment according to our qualifications, experiences and hard works. On the other hand, taking best attempts to conquer worse situation is a reliable way to deal with the obstacles of life and it would reward you with a great career. For instance, in my neighbourhood, there was a student who was born in a poor family, his parents were farmers and did not have enough money to pay for fees if he had gone to the university. It was admirable that he tries his best in study and gained the scholarship of his favourite university and became an official student. After that, by his efforts every day, when he graduated, he became a professional doctor as he desired and has earned a lot of money per month. Hence, he and his parents have had a most wonderful life with adequate convenience, Therefore the harder you try, the more success you gain. All in all, perception varies from person to person so, ways to tackle situations also totally depend on individuals believes. Each of them might bring both physical and mental benefits for people.
Life is all about ups and Downs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problematic conditions like an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of dealing with it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
tend to accept the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and persist with it. While, others believe in fighting back and trying in progressing such disappointing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second view.

On the one hand, it sounds
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at saying"?
good in saying
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
awful things,
however
, evolving is not easy. Person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
embed every single thing. Living
fully
in the world
is gratified
by emotional and physical needs,
moreover
, basic physical wants
are fulfilled
by credit, we should have cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things for yourself or our family. The peoples who accept the unsatisfactory works is all for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
continue with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
basic demands
are gained
by paying bills.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the fact that we aren't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with work
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment or
we aren't rewarded with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
payment according to our qualifications, experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works.

On the other hand
, taking best attempts to conquer worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is a reliable way to deal with the obstacles of life and it would reward you with a great career.
For instance
, in my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, there was a student who
was born
in a poor family, his parents were farmers and did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to pay for fees if he had gone to the university. It was admirable that he tries his best in study and gained the scholarship of his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
university and became an official student. After that, by his efforts every day, when he graduated, he became a professional doctor as he desired and has earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money per month.
Hence
, he and his parents have had a most wonderful life with adequate convenience,
Therefore
the harder you try, the more success you gain.

All in all, perception varies from person to person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, ways to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
also
totally
depend on individuals believes. Each of them might bring both physical and mental benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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