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Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 3
Opinions differ as to whether children should take formal education early or after the age of seven. In my view, I believe 7 is ideal for children to begin formal schooling. It is understandable why people say that the young should go to school as early as possible. One reason is that many parents want their children to finish statutory education earlier. They assume that by going to school before 7, their children would be able to pursue higher education 1 or 2 years sooner and thus, get ahead of other people in terms of studying. In Vietnam, many families have their children skipped early childhood education with hopes that kids could enroll in university when they are 16. But, the number of families have succeeded is still limited. However, I side with those who think that children should start formal schooling after they get to the age of 7. One reason to support my standpoint is that most children can only approach academic education when they are 7 or above. This is because their ability to receive and process information is not fully developed before 7 years of age. Therefore, preschool education is there to teach children the very first steps of academic learning that allows them to quickly understand lessons of higher levels. If parents choose to abort early childhood education, their children may not have the studying skills resulting in poor academic performance. In fact, surveys say that 30 percent of children in grade 1 who are in the age group of 4 to 6 fall behind in their study, while other 7-year-old peers have great performances in examinations. In conclusion, I assert that formal education should only start when children are at least 7 as their cognition is fully developed and ready for high-level lessons.
Opinions differ
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
or after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven. In my view, I believe 7 is ideal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
schooling.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that the young should go to school as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible. One reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to finish statutory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
earlier. They assume that by going to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
7, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be able to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
1 or 2 years sooner and
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ahead of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in terms of studying. In Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
skipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with hopes that kids could enroll in university when they are 16.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the number of families have succeeded is
still
limited.

However
, I side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
schooling after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 7. One reason to support my standpoint is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approach academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
when they are 7 or above. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their ability to receive and process information is not
fully
developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
7 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Therefore
, preschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is there to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
steps of academic learning that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
quickly
understand lessons of higher levels. If parents choose to abort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not have the studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
resulting in poor academic performance. In fact, surveys say that 30 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in grade 1 who are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of 4 to 6 fall behind in their study, while other 7-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
peers have great performances in examinations.

In conclusion
, I assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are at least 7 as their cognition is
fully
developed and ready for high-level lessons.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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