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Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 2
In many cultures, the elderly is the symbol of wisdom and the representation of the authorities, while some cultures focus the attention on the new generation rather than the old. To a certain point, I believe that old and young have something different offer the society, therefore both should be valued. To begin with, older people have a wealth of skills and experiences, they have lived through situations others cannot even imagine, and harvesting more hands-on skills for their career. Furthermore, the ability to deal with pressing multitasking simultaneously allows them to go through efficiency. Therefore, they could contribute on a macro level to the workplace and the communities or even individual networks in terms of experience. For instance, a survey which was conducted in South America, which detailed that adults who were guided by their grandparents, experts (of elderly group) were more confident and aggressive about their future. On the contrary, the young generation is dynamic, energetic and can contribute to the production and job sectors of the country and this has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. Youth who embrace innovative ideas are capable of assimilating into new things. As a result, they can keep abreast of the latest breakthroughs in technological innovation to counteract the traditional stereotype of management and manufacturing. According to the Economics University research found in recent years that 72% of successful start-up companies are established almost by the young especially millennials. In conclusion, while youth is valued for the future prospects and old age is valued for the past contributions, both aspects are true and has strong supporting points. I believe beauty lies within both young and old age. Most importantly, both add irreplaceable values to the overall well-being of the society.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures, the elderly is the symbol of wisdom and the representation of the authorities, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures focus the attention on the new generation
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. To a certain point, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
offer the society,
therefore
both should
be valued
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a wealth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiences, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
through situations others cannot even imagine, and harvesting more hands-on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their career.
Furthermore
, the ability to deal with pressing multitasking
simultaneously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to go through efficiency.
Therefore
, they could contribute on a macro level to the workplace and the communities or even individual networks in terms of experience.
For instance
, a survey which
was conducted
in South America, which detailed that adults who
were guided
by their grandparents, experts (of elderly group) were more confident and aggressive about their future.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is dynamic, energetic and can contribute to the production and job sectors of the country and this has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economic development of the country. Youth who embrace innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are capable of assimilating into new things.
As a result
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast of the latest breakthroughs in technological innovation to counteract the traditional stereotype of management and manufacturing. According to the Economics University research found in recent years that 72% of successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are established
almost by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
especially
millennials.

In conclusion
, while youth
is valued
for the future prospects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
is valued
for the past contributions, both aspects are true and has strong supporting points. I believe beauty lies within both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age. Most
importantly
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
irreplaceable values to the
overall
well-being of the society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people argue that formal education should start for children as early as possible, while others think that it should not start until 7 years of age. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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