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Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. Discuss both pints and give your opinion. v.2

Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. v. 2
International sports events are becoming more popular these days and people are impatiently waiting for these events to take place. Some believe these sports festivals create good cause to ease cultural, religious, ethnic and political differences, while others disagree. This essay intend to discuss both views and evaluate accordingly. Olympic is a wonderful example to set as which, brings many nations to single sports battle arena. More than two hundred countries compete against each other in range of sports categories to win gold medals and to become world best sport nation. In such games everyone forget all the differences and sit together and support their countryman to win the event. Moreover in some games regardless to the country people love to see famous sportspersons to win. As an example, Hussain Bolt, the greatest athlete ever born in track and field is loved by people all over the world. On the other hand, this kind of competitive sports create acute stress response situations between team players and supporters. There are plenty of examples throughout the sports history of such incidents which has led to tragic and unfortunate situations. In cricket world it is very well-known the conflict between India and Pakistan. Most of the games end up with tensed situation or fight between supporting crowds and matches were abandoned. In my opinion these games have their own negative and positive impacts but, organizers must be more cautious when organising such sport events. If any conflicting parties participating for an event they should take proactive counter measures and enhance cultural affairs. In conclusion, when considering all the facts above there are merits and demerits in this competitive sports. However, sports events organizer should shoulder this responsibility of building peace among different people, cultures and nations.
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are becoming more popular these days and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
impatiently
waiting for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to take place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
festivals create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
cultural, religious, ethnic and political differences, while others disagree.
The verb 'intend' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay intends"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay intend
to discuss both views and evaluate
accordingly
.

Olympic is a wonderful example to set as which, brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations to single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
battle arena. More than two hundred countries compete against each other in range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
categories to win gold medals and to become world best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
nation. In such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "forgets", "forgot".
forget
all the differences and sit together and support their countryman to win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
regardless to the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
to win. As an example, Hussain Bolt, the greatest athlete ever born in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and field is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.

On the other hand
, this kind of competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
create acute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
response situations between team players and supporters. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of examples throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
history of such incidents which has led to tragic and unfortunate situations. In cricket world it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well-known the conflict between India and Pakistan. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with tensed situation or fight between supporting crowds and matches
were abandoned
.

In my opinion these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, organizers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be more cautious when
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. If any conflicting parties participating for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
they should take proactive counter measures and enhance cultural affairs.

In conclusion
, when considering all the facts above there are merits and demerits in this competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
organizer should shoulder this responsibility of building peace among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, cultures and nations.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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