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Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. Discuss both pints and give your opinion. v.1

Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. v. 1
It is believed that companies should hire independent workers, while others think that organizations should hire workers that are willing to work in a team and follow directions. Although those who work independently can save a company’s money, I believe that teamwork can lead to an efficient organization. On the one hand, companies can save thousands of dollars by recruiting independent workers. This is because these kinds of workers are self-sufficient or do not need another co-worker’s assistance to complete tasks assigned to them. Hence, organizations will need to pay one employee instead of paying a number of employees working in a team for that task. For example, in India, most fashion designing companies recruit only one fashion designer to get all the new designs for clothes as it saves a lot of company’s finance. However, in my opinion, this is not efficacious for a company as a single worker might take undue time to do work. On the other hand, recruiting team players could be quite beneficial for a company as this can improve their efficiency. That is to say, when employees work in a team, there is a distribution of work which means it takes less time to finish work projects, thus, it increases the efficiency of an organization. For an instance, in The BBC news, it is claimed that companies that do not prefer their workers to work in a unit are 77 % less efficient as these take too much time to finish their work projects. Thus, I that companies who prefer teamwork are much more efficient. In conclusion, I believe that while solo workers can save a company’s money, team players can make an organization efficient by distributing work within themselves and taking less time to finish that assigned work.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should hire independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
should hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and follow directions. Although those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
independently
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
money, I believe that teamwork can lead to an efficient organization.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
thousands of dollars by recruiting independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are self-sufficient or do not need another co-worker’s assistance to complete tasks assigned to them.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
will need to pay one employee
instead
of paying a number of employees working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
for that task.
For example
, in India, most fashion designing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one fashion designer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all the new designs for clothes as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
finance.
However
, in my opinion, this is not efficacious for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
might take undue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do work.

On the other hand
, recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players could be quite beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their efficiency.
That is
to say, when employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, there is a distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which means it takes less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
projects,
thus
, it increases the efficiency of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. For an instance, in The BBC news, it
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that do not prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a unit are 77 % less efficient as these take too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
projects.
Thus
, I that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who prefer teamwork are much more efficient.

In conclusion
, I believe that while solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
efficient by distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
within themselves and taking less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish that assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people argue that competitive sports are good for bringing together different people and cultures. Others argue that these sports can cause problems and increase conflict between nations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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