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Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.6

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other services. with this statement? v. 6
It is argued that instead of investing in the arts the government should allocate its pecuniary resources to more vital services. I cannot but agree with this statement as the first priority for the authorities must be to raise the country’s standard of living, that may be done by allocating money to such public services as health care and education. The main reason why the authorities should invest in healthcare is a growing demand in it. This is due to the reason that the population of many countries has been ever-increasing, and, therefore, nations face such problems as a critical shortage of health workers and lack of medical equipment. As a result, people are dying of treatable diseases. A prime example is the current situation with COVID-19, in which shortage of ventilators and personal protective equipment has resulted in a high death toll. Had more money been invested in this sphere, this hazardous problem would not have happened. Another service in need of financing is education as, even though, everyone has the right to become educated, many people cannot afford it due to the high tuition fees or it is just impossible with a shortage of teachers. As a consequence, in some countries there is still high illiteracy level, many unable to obtain a good qualification and, therefore, found themselves unemployed or with a salary that is not enough to meet their basic needs. If the government spent more money on scholarships, or made education free, it would open a whole world of opportunities for its citizens. In conclusion, it seems to me that the government should allocate more money for health care service and increase its investment in education so as to provide people with a high living standard and enable our society to ensure social prosperity. Even though it seems a lot of effort, it may be the best solution in the long run.
It
is argued
that
instead
of investing in the arts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate its pecuniary resources to more vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. I cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as the
first
priority for the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be to raise the country’s standard of living, that may
be done
by allocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to such public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as health care and education.

The main reason why the authorities should invest in healthcare is a growing demand in it. This is due to the reason that the population of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has been ever-increasing, and,
therefore
, nations face such problems as a critical shortage of health workers and lack of medical equipment.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dying of treatable diseases. A prime example is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation with COVID-19, in which shortage of ventilators and personal protective equipment has resulted in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
death toll. Had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
been invested
in this sphere, this hazardous problem would not have happened.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in need of financing is education as,
even though
, everyone has the right to become educated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot afford it due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
tuition fees or it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
impossible with a shortage of teachers. As a consequence, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries there is
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
illiteracy level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unable to obtain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualification and,
therefore
, found themselves unemployed or with a salary
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on scholarships, or made education free, it would open a whole world of opportunities for its citizens.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for health care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and increase its investment in education
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
living standard and enable our society to ensure social prosperity.
Even though
it seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort, it may be the best solution in the long run.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other services. with this statement? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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