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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages? v.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages? v. 5
To enjoy spare time is very significant in people's lives. A great deal of individuals hardly spends time for their interval deeds because of lengthy work schedules. I believe that it has considerable drawbacks in individuals' life despite having some conveniences. There are a number of reasons as to why some citizens choose to stay much time in workplaces than with family. Firstly, if they work at length, they will be adroit workers because they will have the ability to comprehend the entire functions of the duties. Furthermore, they can satisfy their bosses. As a result, their income rate will grow dramatically. For instance, the Japanese went their apartments one day in a month. Because, their prime intention was to delight their authorities which would be conducive to increase their salary. On the other hand, although it demonstrates few opportunities, it has a wide range of difficulties. The principal challenge can be that employers who get stuck in offices, factories, most hours will not acquaint with the remaining world. Afterwards, their external knowledge will not expand. The next point is that, they will be abortive to refresh their humdrum mind when they will work for long days. For example, a couple of months ago, in India, a report published, a host of youngs committed suicide because of exorbitant regret and grief. Police investigation indicated that they spent more days in workplaces than family. So, they merely consumed hours of their personal lives. To conclude,
To enjoy spare time is
very
significant in
people
's
lives
. A great deal of individuals hardly spends time for their interval deeds
because
of lengthy work schedules. I believe that it has considerable drawbacks in individuals' life despite having
some
conveniences.

There are a number of reasons as to why
some
citizens choose to stay much time in workplaces than with family.
Firstly
, if they work at length, they will be adroit workers
because
they will have the ability to comprehend the entire functions of the duties.
Furthermore
, they can satisfy their bosses.
As a result
, their income rate will grow
dramatically
.
For instance
, the Japanese went their apartments one day in a month.
Because
, their prime intention was to delight their authorities which would be conducive to increase their salary.

On the other hand
, although it demonstrates few opportunities, it has a wide range of difficulties. The principal challenge can be that employers who
get
stuck in offices, factories, most hours will not acquaint with the remaining world. Afterwards, their external knowledge will not expand. The
next
point is that, they will be abortive to refresh their humdrum mind when they will work for long days.
For example
, a couple of months ago, in India, a report published, a host of
youngs
committed suicide
because
of exorbitant regret and grief. Police investigation indicated that they spent more days in workplaces than family.
So
, they
merely
consumed hours of their personal
lives
.

To conclude
,
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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