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Some people argue for a broad university education in which students learn about many different subjects. Others argue for a specialized university education in which students learn only about specific field of study. Which position do you agree with? v.1

Some people argue for a broad university education in which students learn about many different subjects. Others argue for a specialized university education in which students learn only about specific field of study. Which position do you agree with? v. 1
Nowadays, students are dealing with high pressure about a large amount of knowledge at university. While there are some negatives to some impacts on them, I would argue that working hard at university is more beneficial development. On the one hand, there are a number of major negatives. Firstly, pressure on the school and university students from working hard is the cause of inefficient learning. With a great amount of knowledge acquired on the regular basic, students are more likely to be tired and bored. In addition, they have no time to reflect about everything that they had studied at school. Secondly, university students are easily stressed if they cannot strike a balance between work and leisure. Therefore, their enthusiasm for learning will be reduced, resulting in the poor academic performance. In the worse cases, they can stop the academic path if they are under a great amount of pressure. On the other hand, I would argue that this tendency brings a wide range of benefits. First of all, students might study a variety of knowledge with all fields in their life. As a result, they might have experiences and opportunities to seek for a well-paid job with the ideal foundation that they had studied at university. Furthermore, when they work hard in early years, they can directly address problems arising in real life and might learn how to control themselves such as time management, financial management, etc. This helps them become more mature and confident when they graduate. In conclusion, I believe that being pushed into working hard brings more positive developments than the disadvantages.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are dealing with high pressure about a large amount of knowledge at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impacts on them, I would argue that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is more beneficial development.

On the one hand, there are a number of major negatives.
Firstly
, pressure on the school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is the cause of inefficient learning. With a great amount of knowledge acquired on the regular basic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to
be tired
and bored.
In addition
, they have no time to reflect about everything that they had studied at school.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
if they cannot strike a balance between work and leisure.
Therefore
, their enthusiasm for learning will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, resulting in the poor academic performance. In the worse cases, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the academic path if they are under a great amount of pressure.

On the other hand
, I would argue that this tendency brings a wide range of benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might study a variety of knowledge with all fields in their life.
As a result
, they might have experiences and opportunities to seek for a well-paid job with the ideal foundation that they had studied at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Furthermore
, when they work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in early years, they can
directly
address problems arising in real life and might learn how to control themselves such as time management, financial management, etc. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become more mature and confident when they graduate.

In conclusion
, I believe that
being pushed
into working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
brings more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments than the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue for a broad university education in which students learn about many different subjects. Others argue for a specialized university education in which students learn only about specific field of study. Which position do you agree with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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