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Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. v. 2
Need of science and technology is increasing day by day and indispensable in many fields. So it is believed that in the school, focus should be given to science and maths subjects rather than arts and history. However, I disagree with the above statement. I shall justify the same as follows. To begin with, although science and maths are imperative topics to enhance the knowledge in the fields of science and research, all branches of knowledge are equally important and beneficial for future perspective. Firstly, the skill of art helps children to enhance their imagination and creativity power which is necessary in the research and development areas for designing something innovative. Secondly, art also enables to develop problem solving skills, lateral thinking, complex analysis and critical thinking skills which is definitely helps in different career fields. For instance, graphic designer needs imaginative, innovative and analytical qualities to present creative work. Furthermore, it is also an essential to inculcate knowledge of earlier times. History is a most widely acceptable subject because it helps to understand ancestors life style, residency and culture. This information is proven to helpful for present and future point of view for further development. To elaborate, in india, Taj mahal is an eminent monument for this structure and design. Today also many people are wondering about their building plan. However, maths and science plays a major role in the boundaries of scientific research and technology but other subjects are also contributes some share for the same. To conclude, it is vital to teach all subjects in the school in equal manner. All are contributor to different fields which can help children to gain success in their life.
Need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology is increasing day by day and indispensable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
is believed
that in the school, focus should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
rather
than arts and history.
However
, I disagree with the above statement. I shall justify the same as follows.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
are imperative topics to enhance the knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and research, all branches of knowledge are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and beneficial for future perspective.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
children to enhance their imagination and creativity power which is necessary in the research and development areas for designing something innovative.
Secondly
, art
also
enables to develop problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, lateral thinking, complex analysis and critical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For instance
, graphic designer needs imaginative, innovative and analytical qualities to present creative work.

Furthermore
, it is
also
an essential to inculcate knowledge of earlier times. History is a most
widely
acceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to understand ancestors life style, residency and culture. This information
is proven
to helpful for present and future point of view for
further
development. To elaborate, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Taj mahal
is an eminent monument for this structure and design.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wondering about their building plan.

However
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
plays a major role in the boundaries of scientific research and technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
also
contributes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
share for the same.

To conclude
, it is vital to teach all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the school in equal manner. All are contributor to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children to gain success in their life.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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