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If you want to learn how to play music, whom do you want to learn form: tutor, friend, or internet? use specific examples and details to support your answer. v.1

If you want to learn how to play music, whom do you want to learn form: tutor, friend, or internet? use specific examples and details to support your answer. v. 1
Playing sports is one of the most popular activities in the world. It helps people to maintain their health as well as keep their body fit. However, it also brings some drawbacks. Now I will discuss both of these aspects. In terms of the advantages, playing sports is good for people’s health if they do it effectively. It increases their muscles and get them in shape, which makes them look good. Moreover, it can be a good hobby, especially children and young people. It makes them more active and develops some soft skills such as communication. Beside, it keeps them away from negative activities like playing computer games or using drugs. On the other hand, playing sport brings some negative impacts. Firstly, some dangerous sports such as parkour or skydiving can cause high risks of injury. It hurts their body and muscles. For example, playing football has a high risk of getting broken leg. Secondly, it also affects their mental health, especially children and young people. When they don’t win a match or score a goal while playing team sports, they may feel depressed or let other member down. Lastly, playing sports takes up a lot of time. Young people need to practice hard to achieve good results so it distracts them from studying and then they fall behind on schoolwork. In summary, playing sports has not only advantages but also disadvantages. It is a good habit for young people to follow and helps people to have a healthy body and spirit. Despite its benefits, people can be injured if they play too hard or distract from their main work. In my opinion, people should play sports reasonably and effectively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one of the most popular activities in the world. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain their health
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit.
However
, it
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I will discuss both of these aspects.

In terms of the advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health if they do it
effectively
. It increases their muscles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them in shape, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
.
Moreover
, it can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
hobby,
especially
children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more active and develops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication. Beside, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
activities like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games or using drugs.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as parkour or skydiving can cause high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of injury. It hurts their body and muscles.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
football has a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting broken leg.
Secondly
, it
also
affects their mental health,
especially
children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When they don’t win a match or score a goal while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they may feel depressed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
other member down.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
takes up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it distracts them from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studying and
then they fall behind on schoolwork.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disadvantages. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a healthy body and spirit. Despite its benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be injured
if they play too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or distract from their main work. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
reasonably
and
effectively
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay If you want to learn how to play music, whom do you want to learn form: tutor, friend, or internet? use specific examples and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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