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Some people agree with spending lots of money on a large wedding, while others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion? v.2

Nowadays, people are more eager spend money on marriages, parties and other events and invite alot ofpeople which represent their personalityin a majestic way in the society. There is a dispute between peoplethat these type of spendings are totallywaste of money while others claims thatthese are compulsory to show a goodstatus in the society. In my point ofview both statements are respectablein the society. Initially, organizing bigger eventsand celebrate it with family friendsrelatives and neighbours establish aeminient nature in the community. Peoplewill remember with the respect andgreetings given to them and buildyour affection around. In India, peopleJamous for big celebrations onspecial occasions and it could be afestival, marraige and a birthday partyalso, we enjoy them by spending alotof money, eg. Mukesh Ambani in themost richest man of India and he spent 216 crore on his wife birthday party and it is considered as a most expensive birthday party of India On the other hand, some peopleargue that spending money on thesecelebrations is worthles and it shouldbe spent on important things. It isalso an important aspect becausesaving money for future we can benefitus in a lot of ways. Moreover, things arechanging day be day & and they can bought us various problemsof living. If we are well prepared for the upcoming extremities then it may reward us in certain circumstances. In summary, people go through according to their opinion on spendings, some spentextensive amount of money and some spent with deliberation and they are the two different mindsets in thesociety.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more eager spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on marriages, parties and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and invite
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
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ofpeople
which represent their
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personalityin
a majestic way in the society. There is a dispute between
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoplethat
these type of
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spendings
are
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totallywaste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while others claims
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thatthese
are compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
goodstatus
in the society. In my point
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ofview
both statements are
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respectablein
the society.
Initially
, organizing bigger
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eventsand
celebrate it with family
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friendsrelatives
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
establish
Possible spelling mistake found.
aeminient
nature in the community.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Peoplewill
remember with the respect
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andgreetings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them and
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buildyour
affection around. In India,
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peopleJamous
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
celebrations
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onspecial
occasions and it could be
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afestival
,
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marraige
and a birthday
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partyalso
, we enjoy them by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
Possible spelling mistake found.
alotof
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
The abbreviation "e.g." (= for example) requires two periods.
eg.
Mukesh
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Ambani
in
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themost
A determiner is probably missing here: "the richest".
richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
India and
he spent 216
Possible agreement error. The noun 'crore' seems to be countable, so consider using: "crores".
crore
on his wife birthday party and it
is considered
as a most expensive birthday party of India
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopleargue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesecelebrations
is
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worthles
and it
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shouldbe
spent on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things. It
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isalso
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect
Possible spelling mistake found.
becausesaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for future we can
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitus
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ways.
Moreover
, things
Possible spelling mistake found.
arechanging
day be day & and they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "buy"
bought
us various
Possible spelling mistake found.
problemsof
living. If we are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for the upcoming extremities then it may reward us in certain circumstances. In summary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go through according to their opinion on
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
spentextensive
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spent with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
deliberation and
they are the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindsets in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesociety
.
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If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot of money on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Give your opinion and what are the reasons.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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