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Some people agree with spending lots of money on a large wedding, while others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion? v.3

Some people agree with spending lots of money on a large wedding, while others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion? v. 3
There is no doubt that a wedding is an initial step to begin the relationship between husband and wife. Accordingly, some people consider it beneficial to spend too much amount on such events. I would agree with those who argue that this is a complete waste of their savings. Considering the positives first, wedding ceremonies might be the best way to establish connections with people out of touch. This is because people usually meet regularly with their close relatives and friends, but could not spare time to meet other people involved in their lives. The argument goes that, if there is no concept of celebrations, people will be isolated from their cultural heritage and more importantly values of relationships. However, such events do not generate revenue or have any impact to improve the financial capability, the amount spent is not recoverable. To illustrate, in South Asian countries, wedding events are considered a symbol of pride, and people are forced to spend their life savings and face poverty afterward. That said, the outcome of spending money on social parties is not measurable. In contrast, financing students would equip our workforce with qualified professionals, leading to a more competitive society, than funding wedding ceremonies. Similarly, if one travels around the world to establish contact, share ideas and cultural methodologies with foreigners, this would be more beneficial than local gatherings, which can be placed in less expensive places such as cafes or parks. This will ensure that our next generation is left with enough financial resources to enough to combat serious issues such as homelessness, which were left unresolved, especially in the developing world. In conclusion, although social events allow people to record their best memories and set a good example in their society, we must remember that the spending on these events must not supersede our priorities for educational or business opportunities, hopefully leading to an absence of problems such as bankruptcy or poverty in the worst cases.
There is no doubt that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is an initial step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
the relationship between husband and wife.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it beneficial to spend too much amount on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who argue that this is a complete waste of their savings.

Considering the positives
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
ceremonies might be the best way to establish connections with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of touch. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
regularly
with their close relatives and friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not spare time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The argument goes that, if there is no concept of celebrations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be isolated
from their cultural heritage and more
importantly
values of relationships.
However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
do not generate revenue or have any impact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the financial capability, the amount spent is not recoverable. To illustrate, in South Asian countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are considered
a symbol of pride, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to spend their life savings and face poverty afterward.

That said, the outcome of spending money on social parties is not measurable.
In contrast
, financing students would equip our workforce with qualified professionals, leading to a more competitive society, than funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
ceremonies.
Similarly
, if one travels around the world to establish contact, share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and cultural methodologies with foreigners, this would be more beneficial than local gatherings, which can
be placed
in less expensive places such as
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
or parks. This will ensure that our
next
generation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial resources to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to combat serious issues such as homelessness, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unresolved,
especially
in the developing world.

In conclusion
, although social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to record their best memories and set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in their society, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember that the spending on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not supersede our priorities for educational or business opportunities,
hopefully
leading to an absence of problems such as bankruptcy or poverty in the worst cases.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people agree with spending lots of money on a large wedding, while others think it is a waste of money. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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