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Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy food. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy food. v. 1
Less nutrition meal can cause many health problems. One of the ways to solve is by imposing high taxes on junk foodstuff, which I totally agree on this. While there are many ways to solve this like education, the government could make this foodstuff less attractive to others, and people will more likely to choose foodstuff that with better nutritional value. First of all, when the authority adjusts taxes to the unhealthy foodstuff, the company will pass on the extra cost to the consumer that would raise the price. As the price increases, this makes the junk snack and drink far less attractive than buying food with high nutrition. For example, by enforcing high taxes on sugary drink, some parents would not want to buy it when they have cheaper options like fresh juice. Therefore, these families will start to adapt to nutritious foodstuff when they start to switch to cheaper options. So the government will very likely to help to reduce those less value foods. However, conversely, the government could educate public on the possible consequences when we are eating unhealthily besides imposing taxes. The government's educational council could integrate in the information into the curriculum. For example, in my kindergarten, teachers are teaching small kids on how to avoid diabetes by avoiding sugary drink. Whereby, as this small kids are constantly flooded with video which showing sugary drink is bad for them, they would choose better food if they had started to learn this since they are young. To conclude, there are several ways to curb the issues, one of them is forcing the company to increase the cost of production, and constantly informing the public is also another important factor. If both of the suggestions are implemented properly, I could foresee more people will start making a better choice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Less
nutrition meal can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems. One of the ways to solve is by imposing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foodstuff
, which I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to solve this like education, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foodstuff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
attractive to others, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will more likely to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foodstuff
that with better nutritional value.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when the authority adjusts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foodstuff
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will pass on the extra cost to the consumer that would raise the price. As the price increases, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the junk snack and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
attractive than buying food with high nutrition.
For example
, by enforcing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents would not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it when they have cheaper options like fresh juice.
Therefore
, these families will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to adapt to nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foodstuff
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to switch to cheaper options.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
value foods.

However
,
conversely
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could educate public on the possible consequences when we are eating
unhealthily
besides
imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's educational council could integrate in the information into the curriculum.
For example
, in my kindergarten, teachers are teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids on how to avoid diabetes by avoiding sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
. Whereby, as this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids are
constantly
flooded with video which showing sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them, they would choose better food if they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to learn this since they are young.

To conclude
, there are several ways to curb the issues, one of them is forcing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to increase the cost of production, and
constantly
informing the public is
also
another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor. If both of the suggestions
are implemented
properly
, I could foresee more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making a better choice.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should put taxes on unhealthy food so that people eat healthy food. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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