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Some peope think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent else whereTo what extent do you agree with this view? v.2

Some peope think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent else where v. 2
According to some/many, the money spent in the field of arts by the government is wasting, and they think that this money can be spent in a better way on other things. In my opinion, spending money in both arts and scientific fields will be valuable. As everyone knows that the world is developing day by day, and arts is playing a key role in the development of a nation as well as in the economy of a nation. So many arts fields like architecture, construction, designing etc etc should be given enough importance and the government needs to invest money in these fields. For example, architecture attracts many tourists and it has a major role in economy of a country On the other hand, other field like science and technology should be developed properly to make a nation strong. Science and technology have played a keen role in development of any nation. So it’s the responsibility of a government to spend money in the fields of science and technology, and provide enough oppertunites to the peoples to take advantages from these fields of science and technology. So according to my conclusion spending money by the government on the fields of arts and science are not wasting in any way, and the government needs to improve both of them in a proper ways.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is wasting, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be spent
in a better way on other things. In my opinion, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
will be valuable.

As everyone knows that the world is developing day by day, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is playing a key role in the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as well
as in the economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
like architecture, construction, designing
Possible typo: you repeated a word
etc etc
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
importance and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For example
, architecture attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists and it has a major role in economy of a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
country


On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology should
be developed
properly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
strong.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology have played a keen role in development of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it’s the responsibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology, and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppertunites
to the peoples to take advantages from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
according to my conclusion spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are not wasting in any way, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both of them in a proper
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some peope think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent else where v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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