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Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is wast of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is wast of time. v. 7
Readers are leaders! But some parents believe that their children should read only serious materials related to their education and should not waste time on other reading materials such as magazines, comic column in newspaper or reader's digest. I disagree with the concept of students reading only serious educational books, instead they should be allowed to read both. Firstly, students who read all kinds of material are broad minded and know very well how to handle difficult situations. They easily guess the outcomes of others actions and act in a careful way to avoid unwanted situations from happening. For example, if they ever get into arguments with other students, their reaction would be calm as they have control over their speech and it is the result of plenty of readings they do. These are problem solvers as they always play safe in schools and at home because they know the consequences of un-necessary arguments and fights. Moreover, kids whose knowledge is not just limited to science and technology, but are also aware of the rising issues in the world, will most probably become the rulers of the society one day. Parents should not only encourage their children to read other books, but it will help them gain more information about political and health issues too. This will boost their intelligence as well as broad thinking about how to overcome such problems. For instance, most of the leaders who rule their countries well, were once poor kids on the streets fighting for their basic rights. Thus, they know the pain others go through and try to help them out. In conclusion, Students should get access to all sorts of books to grasp a good knowledge of everything and it should not be limited to science and technology. Hopefully, parents will understand the logic behind it and help their kids in all aspects of the readings.
Readers are leaders!
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that their children should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serious materials related to their education and should not waste time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
materials such as magazines, comic column in newspaper or reader's digest. I disagree with the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serious educational books,
instead
they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
both.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
all kinds of material are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
broad minded
and know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well how to handle difficult situations. They
easily
guess the outcomes of others actions and act
Consider replacing "in a careful way" with the adverb for "careful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a careful way
to avoid unwanted situations from happening.
For example
, if they ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into arguments with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, their reaction would be calm as they have control over their speech and it is the result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
readings
they do. These are problem solvers as they always play safe in schools and at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the consequences of
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-necessary
arguments and fights.

Moreover
, kids whose knowledge is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
limited to science and technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
aware of the rising issues in the world, will most
probably
become the rulers of the society one day. Parents should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain more information about political and health issues too. This will boost their intelligence
as well
as broad thinking about how to overcome such problems.
For instance
, most of the leaders who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
their countries well, were once poor kids on the streets fighting for their basic rights.
Thus
, they know the pain others go through and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them out.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to all sorts of books to grasp a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge of everything and it should not
be limited
to science and technology.
Hopefully
, parents will understand the logic behind it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids in all aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
readings
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times. They don’t want their children to read any entertainment books because they think it is wast of time. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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